Steven

I am a realtor. I have a five years old daughter and love the Cincinnati Reds, Bengals and Alabama Football.

[SoloMid @SoloMid2]

Just got a Thumbs Up rating by lilychan for my @Fiverr Gig

[Steven @StevenTUS]

I'm going to miss Guy Fieri after he dies after I murder him

[Steven @StevenTUS]

Because I'm a Jew, today's just like any other Saturday when mom puts coal in my socks.

[Steven @StevenTUS]

Whatever, call me when we kill Banksy

[Steven @StevenTUS]

January 2012: this will be my year. December 2012: lol.

[Steven @StevenTUS]

Buying my wife a matching belt and bag for Valentines Day. We'll have that vacuum cleaner working on no time.

[Steven @StevenTUS]

Boring: the Patriots versus the Giants. Awesome: a patriot versus a giant.

[Steven @StevenTUS]

My alarm clock is clearly jealous of the relationship I have with my bed.

[Steven @StevenTUS]

There should be a camp where theater camps go to become straight camps

[Steven @StevenTUS]

In Mexico, "LL Cool J" is named "Y Cool H"

[Steven @StevenTUS]

No relationship is worth hiding and if you have to hide to be happy, maybe it's not worth having.

[Steven @StevenTUS]

I'll believe anything you say if it's with a British accent.

[Steven @StevenTUS]

For Halloween I'm going to be "single"

[Steven @StevenTUS]

Oh, I understand. I just don't care.

[Steven @StevenTUS]

Despite the old saying, "Don't take your troubles to bed", many women still sleep with their husbands.

[Steven @StevenTUS]

I lost twenty pounds by making sure that three times a week I get a good hour of doing crystal meth

[Steven @StevenTUS]

My life goal is to die from SIDS.

[Steven @StevenTUS]

I'm having a hard time getting over the relationship that we were never in.

[Steven @StevenTUS]

We text 24/7, but when we meet, it's so awkward.

[Steven @StevenTUS]

I would be honored if you would read two of my poems on The Awl: