Paula Spector

Between the idea and the reality, between the motion and the act, falls the shadow. [RP|MC|SL] #TheFall #GenderBent

[Paula Spector @StiflingShadow]

#EdgeOfHell

Euphoria: to some it’s the intensity of an earth shattering orgasm; the overpowering sensation of being in love; adrenaline pumping through the veins after completing an endurance testing feat; a religious pilgrimage or discovery. Ask anyone »

[Paula Spector @StiflingShadow]

« few hairs. A parting gift from me as I embarked on a new chapter, a new calling, a new sense of identity finally in its rightful place. This is my calling. This is my purpose. This is my euphoria.

[Paula Spector @StiflingShadow]

« my form, sheer rapturous in its power. I remembered leaving his lifeless body there upon his bed, thankful in that moment for having used protection. No absolute trace, no real sense of my presence. All I’d left was my last shred of humanity and possibly a »

[Paula Spector @StiflingShadow]

« dreams with my depravation. His bulging eyes pleaded but I refused to subside. His hands clung to my hair, my face in sheer determination, but mine more fervid. As he took his last breath, fingers tickling down my face, I felt a wave of freedom wash over »

[Paula Spector @StiflingShadow]

« feats of abnormal strength, that notion proved more than rumour. Hysterical with strength and raging with an incurable thirst, my dominance prevailed and writhing beneath me, I held his pathetic life in my hands. Squeezing, grasping, stealing his hopes and »

[Paula Spector @StiflingShadow]

« delivering me to the edge of orgasmic heaven, and nearing me to the edge of hell. It was then that, whilst emerged in my carnal craze, that my deepest, darkest and immoral instinct overpowered me, overpowered him. They say an adrenaline rush can cause »

[Paula Spector @StiflingShadow]

« instantly luring his prey with obvious rugged, dark looks - my usual taste. Subsequently a lustful tryst soon followed; licentious, animalistic sex ensued. Lewdly driven, a conflict of dominance soon began. His hands were masterful around my neck, expertly »

[Paula Spector @StiflingShadow]

« hatred.
Inevitability soon embarked one murky night two years prior to this day. Hustled amongst a crowd of sickeningly jovial revellers in a bar deep in the heart of Belfast, our eyes met, dark with intense desire. I felt his lascivious gaze undress me »

[Paula Spector @StiflingShadow]

« memories of his limp and lifeless body suspended from high above tormented, yet fascinated me through my childhood. It had stolen my father and in its wake had consumed me entirely. A sickening perversion that moulded my personality, my traits, my »

[Paula Spector @StiflingShadow]

« temptation for years, plunged myself into darkness by suppressing what I’d so vividly and desperately desired. Eternal conflict plagued daily, an infinite swirl of obscurity as I battled morality over avidity. Strangulation had been exposed to me early on; »

[Paula Spector @StiflingShadow]

« their fight is futile, is something I cannot describe. What once originated with ideological fantasy, soon moved to carnal curiosity which in turn became a homicidal addiction; a need that my natural instinct could no longer ignore nor deny. I’d fought »

[Paula Spector @StiflingShadow]

« something that is positive. It’s is not something good...for them.

My euphoria - death via asphyxiation.

The exhilaration when watching them take their last breath, vulnerable and weak beneath me, eyes widened in terror as the realisation sets in that »

[Paula Spector @StiflingShadow]

« survive kicks in. Frightened countenances and flailing, determined limbs hunt for a release from the restriction that coils around them, squeezing their existence in a piteous fight to the end. My euphoria is not something to be celebrated. It’s not »

[Paula Spector @StiflingShadow]

« and their notion of euphoria is something to be celebrated, positive and good. My euphoria, however, plunges those into tightening darkness; gasping for breath as they hold onto that last sheer hope of life, clawing at it as their natural instinct to »

[Paula Spector @StiflingShadow]

No one knows what’s going on in someone else’s mind. Life would be intolerable if we did.

— The Fall: Gender bent
— SL coming soon