Sam🦷

God won’t let me die

[Sam🦷 @StinkMaster5000]

All I want in life is to hear Danny DeVito call me a whore

[Joe @electionsjoe]

I wonder where the villain's lair is guys

[Sam🦷 @StinkMaster5000]

My coworker can suck a fat one from the back

[Sam🦷 @StinkMaster5000]

Shaft name idea: Peter wrinklage

[Irishrygirl @irishrygirl]

Trump should take a victory lap around Dallas in a convertible.

[Sam🦷 @StinkMaster5000]

Maybe she’s born with it maybe it’s methamphetamine

[Sam🦷 @StinkMaster5000]

I’m either listening to Lana Del Rey or Nickelback there is no in between

[wet dog @russianmomm]

i can and will double text, you want a bitch with shame, go to church

[anna @annabohman77]

can’t find my favorite black mini skirt, everyone please pray to st.anthony for me 🙏🙏

[Sam🦷 @StinkMaster5000]

Just sobbed while eating my Taco Bell burrito, I think I’m nearing rock bottom

[tatyana ;) @tatbaee]

if this man got paid to ruin my day , he’d b rich

[Sam🦷 @StinkMaster5000]

I may have never been compared to a hozier song but I have been compared to crazy bitch by buckcherry

Official resident of #servecity 🫡

[Sam🦷 @StinkMaster5000]

Now what if, hear me out, men weren’t complete and total idiots while simultaneously being lying fucking skanks

[Sam🦷 @StinkMaster5000]

Currently sitting in the library and there is a guy in here wearing middle school boy level axe body spray

Mary grow UP you are in college, my nose hairs have been singed off

[Sam🦷 @StinkMaster5000]

Oh my god my Aries moon just makes me soooo crazyyy

No bitch you need to be put on mood stabilizers

[Sam🦷 @StinkMaster5000]

You know it’s bad when you go to subway and they remember your order 😭

[sim @__sim0ne_]

tumblr is so back

[Sam🦷 @StinkMaster5000]

@finalgirlesque For Christ’s sake somebody keep them there I can’t do it anymore

[Sam🦷 @StinkMaster5000]

In what circle of hell would you find a situationship? I can honestly say I feel like it’s the highest level of torment but maybe that’s just me
Leave your thoughts and critiques down below!