Glue. Angel. Scamp.

[Glue. Angel. Scamp. @StormCoast]

And lo, there were a lot of pinecones in that house, because they lived with an 8-year-old.

[Glue. Angel. Scamp. @StormCoast]

Me: *drives home from a service appointment in what felt like a small tornado*
Me, upon getting home: “AC works.”

[Glue. Angel. Scamp. @StormCoast]

The 8 y.o. was asking about the mistakes the presidents have made, and we went though the last two. She then asks what Obama did wrong.

Me: He wore a tan suit.

[Glue. Angel. Scamp. @StormCoast]

.@BusDadInc “Bob, this is my wife Jen. (pause) Shes holding a toilet brush.”
Me, ascending the stairs: “About to be your ex-wife.”

[Glue. Angel. Scamp. @StormCoast]

Me to the ant in the toilet bowl: buddy, you’re about to have a much worse day.

[Glue. Angel. Scamp. @StormCoast]

.@BusDadInc (seductively, sotto voce) Are you wearing underwear?

Me (also seductively): Two pairs.

[Glue. Angel. Scamp. @StormCoast]

12 yo (cannot see me): Jen, is that you?

Me: (a beat) No, it’s a robber who’s also scooping the cat litter.

[Glue. Angel. Scamp. @StormCoast]

I have willpower but it tripped over a muffin this morning.

[Glue. Angel. Scamp. @StormCoast]

We are about to go look at constellations. I am talking to @BusDadInc

“I’m just about to show the 12yo Boötes, like any good stepmother would.”

[Glue. Angel. Scamp. @StormCoast]

Our neighbor’s dog is named Henri, and I have now nicknamed him Henrique Iglesias.

In other news, @busdad has initiated divorce proceedings.

[Glue. Angel. Scamp. @StormCoast]

12 y.o.: “who made the goose planes?”

First of all, they’re paper cranes -

[Glue. Angel. Scamp. @StormCoast]

This kid rewarded me for taking them to the book fair by pointing out where the cat had an accident and then going okay well I gotta get going forever now, bye.

[Glue. Angel. Scamp. @StormCoast]

The younger child has chosen Backstreet Boys over *NSYNC and tbh I feel like it’s her first step into womanhood.

[Glue. Angel. Scamp. @StormCoast]

@dad_truck This is Jen from the future, guess what lol

[Glue. Angel. Scamp. @StormCoast]

So far, it’s my understanding that parenting is teaching your kids important things, like personal hygiene, saying please and thank you, and how to do the Macarena.

[Glue. Angel. Scamp. @StormCoast]

. @BusDadInc and I are having the hard financial conversations and having some fundamental disagreements related to the emotions behind the conversation. But we’re good at this, and he just told me that “it’s a privilege to be frustrated by you”.

[Glue. Angel. Scamp. @StormCoast]

🎶Jimmy Dean is not my lover🎶

[Glue. Angel. Scamp. @StormCoast]

@BusDadInc Also don’t forget how smol I am.

[Glue. Angel. Scamp. @StormCoast]

@BusDadInc If you look outside, you’ll see the Mohawk of snow left on my car after I said no.

[Glue. Angel. Scamp. @StormCoast]

Younger child is standing on a snowbank (we got a lot) and cleaning off my car with her arms.
Kid: I have a random question.
Me: ?
Kid: Can I climb on top of your car?

[Glue. Angel. Scamp. @StormCoast]

He has a souvenir cowbell from the 2002 Winter Olympics, so also the Salt Lake City Cowbells needs to exist.

[Glue. Angel. Scamp. @StormCoast]

I’m watching hockey with @BusDadInc and telling him how much I hate the fighting in the game, but also I want to watch it in case there’s more fighting? Brains are stupid.

[Glue. Angel. Scamp. @StormCoast]

@BusDadInc was telling me about the Houston Oilers, and I decided the Texas Toasts would be a better name for a team, let’s make this happen ok.