Stranded Associate

Too busy to be fired. Not valuable enough to be promoted. Too old to change schools.

[Stranded Associate @StrandedAssoci1]

Enrollment is down. No pay raises in 8 years.

@ass_deans: "Time for all the executives to go on a retreat!"

[Stranded Associate @StrandedAssoci1]

@ProfCDTaylor @ass_deans Oh, the dean takes attendance here, too. It's just not clear what happens if you're not on The List. (Likely, nothing.)

[Stranded Associate @StrandedAssoci1]

Ah, yes ... just received the annual threat from @ass_deans to attend commencement "or else".

This, coming from a dean who hasn't given a pay raise in five years.

[Stranded Associate @StrandedAssoci1]

@ass_deans: "Sorry we haven't been able to give you pay raises for the last five years. This year will be the same."

Also @ass_deans: "You must ask us for permission if you want to get a side job to earn more money. We must verify no conflict of interest."

[Stranded Associate @StrandedAssoci1]

@ass_deans to FriendProf: "Your classes are too boring! Innovate!"

FriendProf: "I rebuilt this 1st-year required STEM course from scratch. Students like it better and are earning better grades."

@ass_deans: "Fantastic! Sorry, we're laying you off due to budget cuts."

[Stranded Associate @StrandedAssoci1]

Student: "Your teaching style doesn't work for me. I need more hands-on activity."

He only comes to class 1/3 of the time, never reads the book ("X: An Active Learning Approach"), and earned 5% of the points possible for in-class active learning exercises.

[Stranded Associate @StrandedAssoci1]

Meeting Chair: "Did you all read the brief before this meeting?"

All of us in the meeting: [nodding furiously]

Meeting Chair: "Great. I'm going to take the next 20 minutes and read the brief again."

[Stranded Associate @StrandedAssoci1]

Teaching at a school where @ass_deans refuses to call snow days sucks. Worse, @ass_deans just tells us to pivot to virtual teaching on bad weather days. After all, virtual teaching and in-person teaching are the same, right?

[Stranded Associate @StrandedAssoci1]

@ass_deans: "Fall Term grades are due before Christmas. I don't care what that does to your family time."

Also, @ass_deans, to students: "No one will be in the office to answer your questions about grades until New Years. You can wait until then. We need work-life balance."

[Stranded Associate @StrandedAssoci1]

@ass_deans : "This is your annual reminder that we've banned snow days. Be prepared to offer your well-prepared, in-person classes online with two hours notice."

[Stranded Associate @StrandedAssoci1]

@ass_deans: "The accreditors are coming next week. Feel free to say anything you want. But here's a list of things you should definitely talk about."

I feel like I'm in a bad WWII prison camp movie, and the Red Cross is coming to inspect.

[Stranded Associate @StrandedAssoci1]

@ass_deans: "We never cancel class. Classes are being held as usual through Thanksgiving."

Me, teaching class today:

[Stranded Associate @StrandedAssoci1]

@ass_deans

[Stranded Associate @StrandedAssoci1]

Major cyber attack on campus. All computers are down.

@ass_deans: "We are operating normally."

[Stranded Associate @StrandedAssoci1]

Faculty meeting:

IT Guy: "Here's the changes coming to the LMS." (gives great detailed description)

@ass_deans: "Let me chime in with more information." (proceeds to repeat everything that IT Guy just said)

[Stranded Associate @StrandedAssoci1]

@ass_deans : "Paper is so last-century. Do everything through the LMS! Assign only digital textbooks! This is the future!"

AWS: [crashes]

@ass_deans : "Why isn't anyone teaching today?"

[Stranded Associate @StrandedAssoci1]

@ass_deans

[Stranded Associate @StrandedAssoci1]

I love it when @ass_deans announces new policies to the student body without notifying the faculty first. Guess who has to work harder as a result?

[Stranded Associate @StrandedAssoci1]

Student: "I just tested positive for COVID. What do I do?"

@ass_deans:

[Stranded Associate @StrandedAssoci1]

The hypocrisy surrounding the Kilo India Romeo Kilo narrative right now is almost unbearable.

I've sworn an oath of silence on my RL account on the whole thing, just to protect my job. But it's ridiculous.

A funeral where people can buy MAGA memorabilia? *SMDH*