Stray

Stray Cat, one day at a time

[Stray @StrayCatDiaries]

@georgealagiah your new glasses awaken my childhood PTSD from too many Where’s Wally frustrations. Please leave them in the bin where they belong.

[Stray @StrayCatDiaries]

@KittieLee07 And I want you to return the toilet brush you stole from me during the house party I had in 1998, the loo is caked in human waste and my wife’s boyfriend refuses to use it. Please remedy this situation by returning my brush. Do it soon or my wife’s boyfriend will spank me again.

[Stray @StrayCatDiaries]

@steve_falla Auberge at Jerbourg would be a great name for a band

[Stray @StrayCatDiaries]

@JocelynBenson No shit Sherlock, that’s pretty much the definition of any US election

[Stray @StrayCatDiaries]

@qsteph Can’t she afford a sweater? That baby’s gonna get cold

[Stray @StrayCatDiaries]

@BBCNews I just want more legroom

[Stray @StrayCatDiaries]

@MailOnline “Wooo” - nobody, 2022

[Stray @StrayCatDiaries]

@PeterSweden7 I’m in my truck right now just slowly strokin’ my shaft. What are you doing to help eh buddy?

[Stray @StrayCatDiaries]

@joncoopertweets @GovRonDeSantis He has a speech impediment you insensitive bigot. You should be cancelled #AdultWork

[Stray @StrayCatDiaries]

@Marshall5Sharon I never gave my consent

[Stray @StrayCatDiaries]

@AaronParnas Your last name sounds like a Bostonian saying penis

[Stray @StrayCatDiaries]

@jadedcreative Last seen in your mom’s mouth

[Stray @StrayCatDiaries]

@TheSun Hard to feel sorry for him, I still feel sorry for his wife.

[Stray @StrayCatDiaries]

@RayReedMO He’s a shitty player, he’d get a job if he knew how to play properly

[Stray @StrayCatDiaries]

@B52Malmet The greatest threat to our national security is Barbara. She stole all my toilet paper during the pandemic and I had to use my socks to wipe. Someone stop her, she is drunk on power and has saggy tits. #MondayMotivation

[Stray @StrayCatDiaries]

@gavinstpier I have two obvious questions for you Gavin;
1: why haven’t you texted me back?
2: why haven’t you returned the toilet brush you stole from my house during my coming out party in 2013?

[Stray @StrayCatDiaries]

@davidhogg111 I guess guns

[Stray @StrayCatDiaries]

@scobie @Spotify #NotMyDuke

[Stray @StrayCatDiaries]

@DearAuntCrabby You spelt inflation wrong

[Stray @StrayCatDiaries]

@TheSun I like her pretty hair