Stu Baker

With Muscular Dystrophy, I'm doing stand up even though I can't stand up! And ... I'm old too! All jokes meant to be political. All politics meant to be jokes

[Kirk Buckhout @BuckhoutKirk]

Gerry and the Peacemakers failed us.

[Stu Baker @StuBakerComedy]

This cause is close to my heart - please sign: https://t.co/OupQMbJTPa

[Stu Baker @StuBakerComedy]

My iPhone tells me that Skynet has already won. (Sent from my iPhone)

[Stu Baker @StuBakerComedy]

I'm sorry, but I don't have time to explain to you how your thinking is wrong today. You're on your own.

[Stu Baker @StuBakerComedy]

@Ornyadams Looking forward to seeing you tonight at House of Comedy in Scottsdale! Hope you have some merch for sale because I want to get something to remember you by.

[Stu Baker @StuBakerComedy]

@realDonaldTrump Text massages? I assume standard rates apply? #TextMassages

[Stu Baker @StuBakerComedy]

I know what's going to happen in the future in sports. I have ESPN.

[Stu Baker @StuBakerComedy]

This tweet is a conspiracy theory perpetrated by Alex Jones.

[Stu Baker @StuBakerComedy]

This tweet doesn't belong here.

[Stu Baker @StuBakerComedy]

Don't hate the player, hate the stupid shit he spews out of his cheeseburger hole.

[Stu Baker @StuBakerComedy]

@Ornyadams We'll be at the Thursday show, Aug 16 at 7:30. Looking forward to seeing ya! Thanks!

[Stu Baker @StuBakerComedy]

@Ornyadams Hey Orny! I'm going to come out an see you when you're in Phoenix at House of Comedy Aug 16 - 18. You're looking well! I need my urine bag changed.

[Stu Baker @StuBakerComedy]

When I went out to my car today, my window wouldn't roll down. I attribute this to Mercury being in retrograde. I have no explanation for all the car windows that worked perfectly today.

[Stu Baker @StuBakerComedy]

I just Airbnb'd out my capacity to care anymore.

[Stu Baker @StuBakerComedy]

This is the third revision of this tweet.

[Stu Baker @StuBakerComedy]

Wise people say each morning we must be born again. So, I try to wake up naked, crying and covered in something slimy.

[Stu Baker @StuBakerComedy]

@Ornyadams Haven't bought tickets yet. We were thinking of the Thursday show. Probably bringing another couple. We like the early shows because I'm still recovering from that "bar stool as a cellphone" accident.

[Stu Baker @StuBakerComedy]

I regret many of my regrets.

[Stu Baker @StuBakerComedy]

My phone may be smart, but my toaster is a fucking idiot.

[Stu Baker @StuBakerComedy]

Just so everybody knows, if Kavanaugh gets confirmed to the Supreme Court, you will no longer be able to abort your unwanted tweets.

[Stu Baker @StuBakerComedy]

Most people's burning questions about Trump these days are ones like "at the stake?" or "doused with gasoline first?"