Stuart James

Better to be pissed off than pissed on. God First. 3 time survivor of aids (yeah, I know). Happily dating, beginner 16U ultimate frisbee gambler, 8 time juror.

[Stuart James @StuartKJames]

@EasygoingEddyG Yeah, maybe in Biden's economy. Back when I was younger that would have been considered middling at BEST. If you want to see real acting dm me and I'll send you the recordings of my high school play. I was the third flying monkey in the wizard of oz and I fucking killed it.

[Stuart James @StuartKJames]

Do police officers in the U.S. just not know that the ground is hard? They just toss people around as if “bumping” ur head on asphalt doesn’t turn u into a vegetable. “Oh yes freshly paved road I think I’ll practice my WWE moves on this person who’s rights I have not yet read”

[Stuart James @StuartKJames]

I think if I lived back in olden times, I’d make much more use of my jester than media portrayals do. I’d have that fella doing shenanigans and hijinks at all times haha. Ol’ Stu needs background stimulation what can I say. Even during those serious meetings, no doubt about it.

[Stuart James @StuartKJames]

Just fell asleep standing up waiting in line for the club. It’s gonna be a longggggggg night

[Stuart James @StuartKJames]

In a bit of a rush this evening and accidentally peed before, and then pooped during my shower instead of the opposite (SOP). Guess I’m getting old haha

[Stuart James @StuartKJames]

Hate showing my buddies my kid’s sorority friends’ instagrams because they always just scroll to the oldest photos like some god damn politicians. What are you lookin’ for down there anyway haha?

[Stuart James @StuartKJames]

“I got two numbers I can text right now…” just two buddy? Get some friends.

[Stuart James @StuartKJames]

Happy 4th of July everyone. On this day 250 years ago the America files were released. How long will we have to wait for Jeff’s haha? #bringthosedawgshome

[Stuart James @StuartKJames]

Having a RUG makes it harder to see your abs, sure, but it also does a helluva job covering up mubes as well haha (won’t reveal where I am on this spectrum)

[Stuart James @StuartKJames]

@mean_field_zane @EasygoingEddyG Maybe you shouldn’t be talkin so hot on the net then, seeing as you’re clearly out of your depth kid. Haha…

[Stuart James @StuartKJames]

Bitches LOVE babies but go straight to the abortion clinic soon as you nut in em. Explain that to me liberals.

[Stuart James @StuartKJames]

Eating at one of the most premiere open-kitchen brunch establishments in the southern United Stated right now, and I have to say it’s a different experience being able to watch the chefs do their thing.

[Stuart James @StuartKJames]

So much fucked up shit in this world man. Looking at my packed bags as I write this, waiting for my ride to my new life in Roku City. No haha on this one

[Stuart James @StuartKJames]

Just hit my taxi driver with the Google Translate text-to-speech “how has your day been so far.” Feeling like Lawrence of Arabia haha (never saw the film).

[Stuart James @StuartKJames]

Hey what’s everyone doing right now? I’m really curious what EVERYONE is doing RIGHT now. Like EVERYONE. Everywhere. What are you guys up to?

[Stuart James @StuartKJames]

She asked me to bring “more toilet paper” to the bathroom cause it was an “emergency”

[Stuart James @StuartKJames]

Don’t know how much longer I can do this anymore man. Just feels like my girlfriend is an endless pit of need and want. No haha on this one.

[Stuart James @StuartKJames]

Don’t know how much longer I can do this anymore man. Just feels like my girlfriend is an endless pit of need and want. No haha on this one.

[Stuart James @StuartKJames]

Girlfriend just made an unsolicited six-seven joke at the dinner table with her parents. Not sure if I should propose or walk out.

[Stuart James @StuartKJames]

Just for the record when I say I do not wait in lines, I mean it. Showed up to my gate (commercial unfortunately thanks Zoran), they asked if I was myself, to which I responded “naturally” and was ushered onto the plane immediately. Can’t believe anyone does this shit differently

[Stuart James @StuartKJames]

Fuming. Had to have my plane (to Europe) turned around this morning because, and I shit you not this is why, two people used a blanket as a curtain to block off their seats and this chick was just getting the most absurd backshots of all time. Kinda turned me on tbh.

[Stuart James @StuartKJames]

“The world’s largest spider web has been found inside an underwater cave” was NOT a sentence I expected to read on a Friday haha!