SurrealCumby

The Surreal News In Cumbernauld

[SurrealCumby @SurrealCumby]

So Paps has closed. Again. It's had more opening nights than Katie Price's legs.

[SurrealCumby @SurrealCumby]

Just seen a seagull flying upside down over Croy, because there was nothing worth shitting on.

[SurrealCumby @SurrealCumby]

Relationship advice time. Remember ladies, getting your man to lick you out will only make your night. Getting him to anally fist you will make your hole weak.

[SurrealCumby @SurrealCumby]

Cheryl Cole's must be the Kate McCann of girlfriends. She lost more men than the Titanic.

[SurrealCumby @SurrealCumby]

It's Bring Your Dog To Work Day the day, otherwise known as Staying At Home With Your Dog, Eating Tesco Value Crisps and Watching Jeremy Kyle Day if you're from Carbrain. . .

[SurrealCumby @SurrealCumby]

Mama Mia was originally to be based in Croy, but getting all the potential father's together would look like a battle scene in Braveheart.

[SurrealCumby @SurrealCumby]

Attention Croy, card factory have limited numbers of “UncleGrandadDadBrother’s Day” cards in stock for the sperm donor in your life...

[SurrealCumby @SurrealCumby]

I miss the sexual tension of heads down thumbs up.

[SurrealCumby @SurrealCumby]

Just got mugged for my ink markers at Croy station . . Bastards left me black and blue. ✍

[SurrealCumby @SurrealCumby]

Croy's annual Mother of the Year competition will be held tomorrow. So come on Crojans, enter your mother on Mother's Day!

[SurrealCumby @SurrealCumby]

*BREAKING NEWS*

Police are advising everyone to stay away from Croy until further notice.

It’s nothing to do... https://t.co/tevSlqssHG

[SurrealCumby @SurrealCumby]

Jeansters will be shut the day due to weather

[SurrealCumby @SurrealCumby]

Yass! Got 87 Valentine cards today. Saying that, the security up the Card Factory is a bit pish. . .

[SurrealCumby @SurrealCumby]

We might be pish, but we post our own pish. Not like the Cumbernauld News & Kilsyth Chronicle just posting links... https://t.co/ZHjFzvkJK4

[SurrealCumby @SurrealCumby]

Hmm. Am i the only fud who instantly thought "dogging bukkake chav" when I heard there was filming in the Cumbernauld field of he day? . . .

[SurrealCumby @SurrealCumby]

To celebrate the coming union of Lizard Boy Hewitt Jr and his future lizard carrier, Surreal News have decided to... https://t.co/QEk6fClYvH

[SurrealCumby @SurrealCumby]

Mary King's Close? Not as close as a family in Croy.

[SurrealCumby @SurrealCumby]

Remember, if you live in Croy put your clocks forwards 75 years tonight. This has been a community service announcement.

[SurrealCumby @SurrealCumby]

Bring in the gypsies. They'd empty our wheelie bins quicker than Harvey Weinstein could empty a Curves fitness centre. . .

[SurrealCumby @SurrealCumby]

Two people you should never add on facebook, your boss and your mum.