Synnyster Virgin

[Synnyster Virgin @SynnysterVirgin]

Stop saying I have humped this Lara Croft cuddle pillow. I would never do such a thing. I just like to have her by my side, analyze her scars, her nose, her eyes. I count the pixels on her chin, my family are worried, let them be. They simply do not understand what true love is.

[Synnyster Virgin @SynnysterVirgin]

@SynnFusion Exactly! The beauty about being a 40 y old is that full agency means acting like a creepy, horny teenager is now a choice we have full responsibility over, which makes being a creepy teenager a beautiful thing. When I’m 70, I shall remain single and cum on these freckles

[Synnyster Virgin @SynnysterVirgin]

Love is not a crime, neither is cumming on my waifu’s wide poopy chin. Stay away from my family

[Synnyster Fusion @SynnFusion]

Y'all, I'm not too bothered by someone going around with my name/face and pretending to be me and talking about wanting to cover themselves in lara's shit while they commit various sex crimes, but do me a favor and please check the @ when you see my name/face haha.

[Synnyster Virgin @SynnysterVirgin]

@SynnFusion I know I have no friends and never will which is why I do such pointless shit all day as a grown man. Please stop being my reflection of what is a meaningful life with real problems. I want to shoot my seed in her left nostril

[Synnyster Virgin @SynnysterVirgin]

@SynnFusion If this isn’t consent, than what is? She cakes herself in MY POO before she kills people. After I argue with people I will never meet about the circumference of her chin, she lets me poop on her. A survivor is porn

[Synnyster Virgin @SynnysterVirgin]

@updownsu1te yes

[Synnyster Virgin @SynnysterVirgin]

No. I do not accept that she is the same Lara as every version, not just the one I like to shit chipotle on with her feet in my mouth. I will only accept one side of her, and reject the roots of her character as becoming one with who she is now. I want to cum on her chin

[Lara’s Crypt @LaraCroftsSoul]

You can’t get any clearer than the words of the devs here. The version of Lara we have is not just the same one from the survivor games, but also the classic and LAU games. That’s the point of the unification. Interesting how survivor fans want to negate this fact all the time.

[Synnyster Virgin @SynnysterVirgin]

Lara: All full up, can’t carry anymore.

Me, still carrying pounds of chipotle and ready to shit on her chest:

[Synnyster Virgin @SynnysterVirgin]

��Please save me, I hate my life”

[Synnyster Virgin @SynnysterVirgin]

@NateTheCroft @SynnFusion I am not him. I am me. This is not a parody. I am what I am and I will not be ashamed of the fact I like to shit chipotle on Lara.

[Synnyster Virgin @SynnysterVirgin]

@LaraCroftsSoul My anal fissure is actually pretty wrong after shitting all over Lara

[Synnyster Virgin @SynnysterVirgin]

@jinxdcroft I don’t actually care about the games, or the fact that the reboots are a hodgepodge of every trend in the 2010s without an ounce of creative integrity. I just want to stroke my little bird zooming into Lara’s features. My mother is very worried about me.

[Synnyster Virgin @SynnysterVirgin]

@_Natlanna_ @MightyCroft 33,654,132 I just came inside my underpants. I don’t want to ever meet a real woman. Are you a woman? I bet you won’t let me zoom into your chin

[Synnyster Virgin @SynnysterVirgin]

@_Natlanna_ @MightyCroft There are 66,000 pixels on her left nostril, 12,000 pixels on her upper right front tooth. And the patch of skin covered in my diaper contents have 3,000 pixels. My little bird is so hard when I zoom in to her features. I don’t want a job

[Synnyster Virgin @SynnysterVirgin]

@_Natlanna_ @MightyCroft She let me shit on her here, and look how happy she is as a result. My psychiatrist thinks if I go on like this I will die alone. But he will never understand what it’s like to imagine Lara’s feet in my mouth

[Synnyster Virgin @SynnysterVirgin]

My waifu and I today went to Taco Bell, she ordered only a Pepsi and I had an extra large chipotle and beef taco. I loved shitting all over her afterwards, look how she covered her face in it. My family called my psychiatrist and said I need to go back on my meds. What is love?

[Synnyster Virgin @SynnysterVirgin]

@_Natlanna_ @MightyCroft Do you want me to give you my divine source?

[Synnyster Virgin @SynnysterVirgin]

My therapist has told me that I don’t need to grow old alone and a loser. But I don’t care, I will never stop staring at my waifu. A survivor is porn

[Synnyster Virgin @SynnysterVirgin]

Dallas Dickinson has quietly announced that the reason Lara Croft actually kills so many people is due to the smell of my scrotum. My waifu despises how much of a mucky loser I am and therefore has drowned an entire Mexican village and cried.

[Synnyster Fusion @SynnFusion]

Now who told my doppelganger account that I don't clean my bedroom