T0dayIHeard

Started out tweeting random things my roommate said, but that turned into things I hear all day.

[T0dayIHeard @T0DAYiHEARD]

Lock up your daughters, we're going to hit it and quit it!

[T0dayIHeard @T0DAYiHEARD]

Damn it, who slapped Donovan with their cock?!

[T0dayIHeard @T0DAYiHEARD]

It feels like sticking your foot in a CareBear's vagina!!!!

[T0dayIHeard @T0DAYiHEARD]

You have AIDS? I'm about to do you a solid, take an aspirin every morning, 2 if you're flying. That shit will be gone in a month. #theleague

[T0dayIHeard @T0DAYiHEARD]

"Sometimes when i shit I cum!"

[T0dayIHeard @T0DAYiHEARD]

I was sabotaged by my baby box so I'm not going to trust anything that comes out of it.

[T0dayIHeard @T0DAYiHEARD]

You cannot out run my I'M BLACK!

[T0dayIHeard @T0DAYiHEARD]

"Brown chicken brown cow!"

[T0dayIHeard @T0DAYiHEARD]

"Once you go brown you keep coming around!"

[T0dayIHeard @T0DAYiHEARD]

Being a vegetarian is a huge missed steal

[T0dayIHeard @T0DAYiHEARD]

"What do you call a dog without legs? It doesn't matter cuz he ain't coming!" 😱😱😱

[T0dayIHeard @T0DAYiHEARD]

White people have a very short youth self life.

[T0dayIHeard @T0DAYiHEARD]

MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!

[T0dayIHeard @T0DAYiHEARD]

"I don't know who you is but I hope you have your next period in a shark tank!"

[T0dayIHeard @T0DAYiHEARD]

@txtfromlastnite: (561): You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.

[Alberto Ciurana @AlbertoCiurana]

Try and fail, but don´t fail to try.

[T0dayIHeard @T0DAYiHEARD]

@g_marx: "They also have way bigger dicks but I can swallow way more than they can" -Random Guy

[T0dayIHeard @T0DAYiHEARD]

That was so fucked up even Pauly D would be like what the fuck?!

[T0dayIHeard @T0DAYiHEARD]

Oh shit! I'm married!!!

[T0dayIHeard @T0DAYiHEARD]

My goal is to get out of the pool on my own!