Tori ✨

[7/11 Truther @DaveMcNamee3000]

Nerd Gummy Clusters target audience is 30 year old women actually

[Clue Heywood @ClueHeywood]

Welcome to the Scariest Sunday of them all

[Tori ✨ @TCrouton]

My favorite part of my birthday is when the chiropractic office I went to in college forgets that they fired me as a client because I asked too many questions and sends me an email wishing me a wonderful day ☺️

[Tori ✨ @TCrouton]

Leaving a doctor's appointment after actually discussing all the things I meant to, someone get this girl a sticker

[Kirk @kirkito915]

Why did I think appellate law was a good idea I am so tired of writing one long thing after another the turmoil of the scribe is ceaseless

[lil piss baby @11kmrn]

the cool thing about crashing out is that it won’t last forever and then you get to say “im so back”

[clare @sadderlizards]

hey boss can i head out early i wanna go home to do some arts and crafts

[Tori ✨ @TCrouton]

There is still snow on the ground, why do you have your leafblower out????

[Tori ✨ @TCrouton]

Love getting my severe weather alerts through ClassPass cancelations

[Tori ✨ @TCrouton]

TN got three inches of snow overnight and no one (but me 💅🏻) knows how to drive in it, time to break out the gentle parenting voice on the drive to the airport

[Janel Comeau 🍁 @VeryBadLlama]

may auld acquaintance be forgot
and never brought to mind
and may this year not suck as much
as the last five years combined

[Tori ✨ @TCrouton]

I knew printers could smell fear, but the furnace ??? the oven ????

[Tori ✨ @TCrouton]

Ofc the one day my kitchen isn't overstimulatingly warm is the day I need to proof some focaccia for the work party according to a strict timeline

[Tori ✨ @TCrouton]

Sorry but making several phone calls in an otherwise silent waiting room should be illegal, or at least result in a series of really terrible hair days or something

[Tori ✨ @TCrouton]

You come to me, on the week before the week before the week of Christmas, and you ask me to do my job? For money?

[Cowgirl Revolt 🔱 (RIP DOLLY PARTON) @CowgirlRevolt]

Experiencing down bad, psychotic, feral horny, psychedelic lust for a truly ordinary man is part of the female experience. You don’t need to understand it.

[chrissy johanna @humananimegirl]

I can’t do dating apps. twitter mutual save me… save me twitter mutual…

[tiddy cent. @starcades]

balding but not ready for a serious relationship is wild

[Nieltown @nieltown]

Wearing glasses is a personality. It means you are more deserving of kindness and, in general, better than others