Shoresy

2 time Pumpkin Pine 500 winner

R.I.P. Larry the Lizard

[Shoresy @TDePhillips]

I will never understand how people spell shit out with the first letter of every tweet! I wonder what mine would even say

[Shoresy @TDePhillips]

Last time I got punched by a chick I played hockey with I fell in love so if you see me with an article for fraternization mind your business!

[Shoresy @TDePhillips]

Ok I'll bite, what the fuck is the point of a baby monitor? Little homie is still gonna be there in the morning! Might as well let them cry themselves back to sleep and get some good rest yourself!

[Shoresy @TDePhillips]

Very excited to finally be a fan of the best football team in NY

[Shoresy @TDePhillips]

Even though the labels on prescription drugs are just suggestions it still makes you feel weird mixing them with alcohol

[Shoresy @TDePhillips]

Your boys made it to the knock out round! First ever Alaskan team to make a knock out round in the Defenders Cup!!

[Shoresy @TDePhillips]

Only in Texas will you see an old ass Hispanic dude walking around with a swastika tattoo on his arm

[Shoresy @TDePhillips]

Unreal times here at Fairbanks international where some lady thought she'd get through tsa with a six pack of coke, a snowglobe and best of all 2 very large cucumbers

[Shoresy @TDePhillips]

Jesus turned water into wine but I'm the alcoholic for turning the full bottle into an empty one?!

[Shoresy @TDePhillips]

Under no circumstances is it acceptable to wear a blue jersey when you were assigned to the light team in the scrimmage.

[Shoresy @TDePhillips]

Listen, all I'm saying is if you need a utensil to stir anything cooking in a frying pan then grow tf up!!

[Shoresy @TDePhillips]

I've never been more excited for a show than I am for Ahsoka

[Shoresy @TDePhillips]

Anyone else know Florence Pugh has a septum piercing? So sad to see such a naturally beautiful woman not married to me...

[Shoresy @TDePhillips]

I'm so sick of being in the nerd branch, I walk into an office hearing pop punk playing and as I go to ask what band it is I hear anime chicks singing and moaning.

[Shoresy @TDePhillips]

Oh boy, Vegas fans just discovered equipment managers and my Facebook feed has been fucked ever since

[Shoresy @TDePhillips]

This fuckin juniors kid turns to me on the bench last night and goes "I don't understand old people hockey, but it works for you guys"

First of all squirt, I'm 24 years old so watch your mouth. And second of all it's called passing, you should try it sometime

[Shoresy @TDePhillips]

On a delay of fucking game penalty. Is there a more disappointing team in the NHL?

[Shoresy @TDePhillips]

Why Dougie Hamilton gets any ice time over Luke Hughes is insane to me. I have never seen a more lazy defenseman in the NHL.

[Shoresy @TDePhillips]

Clean hit, nothing we can do about that!

[Shoresy @TDePhillips]

I mean I don't wanna brag or anything but my beer league save percentage is above the NHL average...