The 405 Test

Westside chill, LA. 6'0 on the apps, 5'11 in your kitchen. Making LA dating great again.

[The 405 Test @THE405TEST]

New account, same city.

I document LA dating through my friends, because their lives are more entertaining than mine and legally I'm not allowed to use their names.

Every date gets a verdict. Every girl gets a scouting report. The 405 decides who's serious.

Welcome to The 405 Test.

[The 405 Test @THE405TEST]

Official ranking of LA neighborhoods for dating:

1Santa Monica — beach, money, and she actually lives 10 minutes away

2West Hollywood — best roster in the city, worst parking

3Silver Lake — coffee walks and girls who 'work in social'

4Culver City — sleeper pick. Grown adults with actual jobs

5Arts District — elite first dates, nobody stays for date two

6Beverly Hills — the Erewhon tax is just the entry fee

7Venice — he has a podcast and a landlord, in that order

8The Valley — she's perfect, she just lives on the wrong side of the test

What did I get wrong?

[The 405 Test @THE405TEST]

RESULTS ARE IN from last night:

Friend 1: She brought her friend. He paid $87 for both and got a group hug at the end. Verdict: HE PAID THE PLUS-ONE TAX.

Friend 2: She pitched her podcast for 20 minutes. It was not a date. It was a pitch meeting with cocktails. Verdict: POLITE PASS SENT.

Friend 3: The Erewhon girl meal-prepped for him and locked in Sunday brunch. Verdict: SECOND DATE LOCKED. EREWHON TAX APPLIED — PAID GLADLY.
2 out of 3 down. The 405 remains undefeated.

[The 405 Test @THE405TEST]

NYC dating is a job interview. LA dating is a casting call…

[The 405 Test @THE405TEST]

Breaking down the boys' Hinge dates tonight in LA:

Friend 1: 6'1, 29. Tech sales, Santa Monica. Drinks with a 26-year-old UCLA grad who 'works in social.'

Friend 2: 5'10, 31. WeHo. Dinner with a 27-year-old actress. 40K followers, no visible job.

Friend 3: 6'0, 30. Silver Lake. Coffee walk with a 25-year-old Erewhon employee. She picked the spot.

Who passes the 405 test and who's getting the polite pass by morning?

[The 405 Test @THE405TEST]

I'm a big believer in the 405 test.

If she won't cross the 405 for date two, she was never that interested. LA traffic is the most honest dating app ever made. It tells you in one weekend what her texts won't tell you in a month.

Am I wrong?

[The 405 Test @THE405TEST]

@Krabs_Bets @accmbb you disgust me in a way that i cannot explain.

[The 405 Test @THE405TEST]

@Krabs_Bets Christmas came early, thanks.

[The 405 Test @THE405TEST]

@Krabs_Bets Easy fade, thanks for paying for the bar tab

[The 405 Test @THE405TEST]

@AlexanderJens7 @jeffrosa_ You see the #4 in front of their name and just presume they are contenders?

[The 405 Test @THE405TEST]

@chellgod Wow, I am going to start shoveling dirt into my mouth if this is not corrected

[The 405 Test @THE405TEST]

@BettingWithBush It’s the Vikings

[The 405 Test @THE405TEST]

@jovan_deeb Would you take U 1.5 passing touchdowns for Howard?

[The 405 Test @THE405TEST]

@MatchPo1ntBets So should we fade him?

[The 405 Test @THE405TEST]

@MatchPo1ntBets You like O 36.5?

[The 405 Test @THE405TEST]

@MatchPo1ntBets Do you have a lean for the madison keys match

[The 405 Test @THE405TEST]

@BookitWithTrent So your units are $40 given Duke was a 5 unit mando nuke?

[The 405 Test @THE405TEST]

@Krabs_Bets You Suck

[The 405 Test @THE405TEST]

@BreedloveBets Francisco

[The 405 Test @THE405TEST]

@BreedloveBets Thoughts on cerundolo?