TJ Milburn

gone

[TJ Milburn @TJMilburn]

On Netflix with @GileanWatts. "Hamlet 2? No way. I've never even heard of Hamlet 1."

[TJ Milburn @TJMilburn]

@jwPencilAndPad Fine joke and all, Jeremy, but it's important to clarify the beeping actually tells passersby to be careful. The driver has reduced visibility since they are technically reversing the flow of time in order to "drive backwards" which as we know is impossible without time travel.

[TJ Milburn @TJMilburn]

@megmackaycomedy "Don't you die on me, Benedetto! Not on my watch! Don't you give up! You never gave me the five bucks!"

[TJ Milburn @TJMilburn]

@ToddAllanHill @Channy116 Yes, infant.

[TJ Milburn @TJMilburn]

@ToddAllanHill People who don't pay taxes complaining about the potholes.

[TJ Milburn @TJMilburn]

@jwPencilAndPad What is a videotape?

[TJ Milburn @TJMilburn]

@mollycormier We just flew for the first time since 2019. The "carry-on baggage that is exactly 4mm too big for the overhead bins" industry is still going strong.

[TJ Milburn @TJMilburn]

@GordieMcDonald Explain that, atheists.

[TJ Milburn @TJMilburn]

@megmackaycomedy Those characters make a lot more sense when you accept the evidence you're provided:

- they are finally graduating high school. - they are in their mid 30s.

[TJ Milburn @TJMilburn]

@megmackaycomedy Keyhole couture.

[TJ Milburn @TJMilburn]

@jwPencilAndPad I'm just happy to know where I stand with the powers that be.

[TJ Milburn @TJMilburn]

@jwPencilAndPad I got a $0 bill from Rogers this year. I've never been a customer.

I called their support line because I worried my identity was stolen.

But no, they confirmed there's no account in my name, legitimate or otherwise. They were just letting me know I didn't owe them anything.

[TJ Milburn @TJMilburn]

@jwPencilAndPad Weird coincidence that all those actors have the first name "Michael."

[TJ Milburn @TJMilburn]

On the one year anniversary of Animal Crossing: New Horizons, here's a cover of the best song of the pandemic, "Meet Me At Velma's Grave" by @lukewestaway.

https://t.co/JEZUcuqmQ6

[TJ Milburn @TJMilburn]

My goodness, this is a fine song. Holy moley. Dart through the heart.

[Hillsburn @hillsburnband]

IT’S HAPPENING!! HUSHA IS HERE FOR YOUR EARS!!
@lhmrecords
https://t.co/Bzu6bVCQxZ

[TJ Milburn @TJMilburn]

@GordieMcDonald Taking a year off is really going to hurt your draft chances this June.

[TJ Milburn @TJMilburn]

@DaveHolmes @PFTompkins I'm available.

[TJ Milburn @TJMilburn]

"Seriously but not literally."

[TJ Milburn @TJMilburn]

No nine year old child is equipped to handle Bean Dad's horrible "lesson."

By the way, can anyone recommend a good bulletproof backpack insert for my kid? She heard about them in her active shooter drills.

[TJ Milburn @TJMilburn]

@jwPencilAndPad Carrey played Scrooge. Scrooge sleeps. Sleepy Joe. Biden sounds like "bitten" aka 1985's "Once Bitten." Lemony Snicket is a vampire (probably? Didn't see it.). Lemony who, you ask? Who like Horton!

Huh. Seems like nonsensical leaps of logic. But how many leaps?

The Number 23.

[TJ Milburn @TJMilburn]

Jeremy, an impression like this in your arsenal is one thing, but combining it with the ability to write the phrase "I didn't set the menu" means it's your fault that, in the ever balanced cosmic order, the entire town of Riverview, New Brunswick can't have a sense of humour.