Taylor Osborne

I think, therefore I tweet.

[Taylor Osborne @TMOsborne]

@Andy @doritkemsley1 @SarahMGellar Dorit, is this your favorite joke:
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Batter.
Batter who?
Batter late than never!

…but seriously. Can you own how selfish it is to always be so late?

[Taylor Osborne @TMOsborne]

Sitting down to watch #greenland2 with my husband….”Hey babe, where’d they go in the first movie? New Zealand?”

[Taylor Osborne @TMOsborne]

@adamrshields 8111 has groups daily - big groups and breakout groups. It’s a great place.

[Taylor Osborne @TMOsborne]

Reese Witherspoon in ‘You’re Cordially Invited’ is the *exact* same person as Reese Witherspoon in ‘Sweet Home Alabama.’

[Taylor Osborne @TMOsborne]

Christmas morning. My pre teen niece opening gifts : “It’s giving… Axolotl.” #itsgiving

[Taylor Osborne @TMOsborne]

Why does my dog freak out about my neighbor two doors down opening their garbage can but not react when the wind just straight up OPENED OUR BACK DOOR. Priorities, pup.

[Taylor Osborne @TMOsborne]

My husband says I’m Martin Short’s character in Only Murders in the building. He knows me.

[Taylor Osborne @TMOsborne]

Iconic. #CelineDion

[Taylor Osborne @TMOsborne]

…but when will HE get his revenge? #HouseOfThedragon

[Taylor Osborne @TMOsborne]

Weekend trip to the mountains with my best friend has convos that last hours staring with, “What makes a bear a bear?”

[Taylor Osborne @TMOsborne]

Ace on #TheChallengeAllStars4 is giving Nick Miller vibes and I am here for it.

[Taylor Osborne @TMOsborne]

Glenn Close is the female Bill Pullman.

That is all.

[Taylor Osborne @TMOsborne]

If someone were to steal the Amazon package on my porch today they’d be pretty unhappy to find a dog costume as the King of Lichtenstein.

[Taylor Osborne @TMOsborne]

My niece was requesting songs for my DJ to play at my wedding this week and she just heard “Goodbye Earl” for the first time and wants it played. I had to tell her that the song might be a bad vibe but I appreciated the suggestion.

[Taylor Osborne @TMOsborne]

I am a bride… who is into true crime… who just got a jury summons for the week of her wedding.

[Taylor Osborne @TMOsborne]

Dear @cobblibrary, I love you so and all the books I get from you every week. Your app, however, hasn’t worked in a month or so which is puttin’ a rain on my reading parade. What’s up with that? Sincerely, Reader.

[Taylor Osborne @TMOsborne]

My niece got a poop emoji pillow for Christmas and while asking her why she thought poop was funny she laughed and said, “I don’t know! Why is a butt funny??” Argument over. Butts are objectively funny.

[Taylor Osborne @TMOsborne]

I just had to act out a cupcake riding a bicycle so yeah, Christmas with my niece is going great.

[Taylor Osborne @TMOsborne]

Dogs are so bad at looking where you’re pointing.

[Taylor Osborne @TMOsborne]

When I was a kid I thought this was the height of all technology.