Agent Smith

We pat your groin. We see you naked. We're the doormen to the sky. Why? Because everybody is a terrorist.

[Agent Smith @TSAgov]

.@spencerpratt https://t.co/WUaIIzDuFy

[Agent Smith @TSAgov]

TMW you realize @grahamformaine is the icky one during a freedom pat.

[Agent Smith @TSAgov]

We repeatedly have to ask @RepOgles to stop moaning during freedom pats.

[Agent Smith @TSAgov]

TRAVEL REMINDER: TSA'S SPEECH POLICY DURING THE SCREENING PROCESS.

"Passengers are advised to shut the hell up at all times."

[Agent Smith @TSAgov]

.@virginiafoxx When it's time to resign tomorrow, TSA always needs crotchety old seniors who don't give a shit about nuttin' to put mouth kids in their place. https://t.co/WUaIIzDuFy

[Agent Smith @TSAgov]

we're totally prepared for hanta virus.

[Agent Smith @TSAgov]

.@SpiritAirlines https://t.co/WUaIIzDuFy

[Agent Smith @TSAgov]

Pilots do NOT like it when you wish them a Happy May Day.

[Agent Smith @TSAgov]

We can't tell you how many seashells we've confiscated from @Comey over the years.

[Agent Smith @TSAgov]

Hey Eric. We're rescinding this. Like, dude...let's just hope your next erection finds a blender.

[Agent Smith @TSAgov]

.@ericswalwell https://t.co/WUaIIzDuFy

[Agent Smith @TSAgov]

BREAKING: TRUMP GETTING TSA AGENTS PAID OFFICIALLY DECLARED 'MIRACLE' BY MAGATICAN, CLEARING WAY FOR SAINTHOOD.

[Agent Smith @TSAgov]

@EWErickson For those who weren't in the security area, we found Erick holding a crucifix and screaming "LEAVE ME IN!" It took four agents to pull him out and hose him off.

[Agent Smith @TSAgov]

@EWErickson Remember that time that Trump came through TSA and we found you hiding inside his asshole?

[Agent Smith @TSAgov]

@naomirwolf NAOMI WOLF. RATIOED ON TWITTER.

DEATH RECORDED.

[Agent Smith @TSAgov]

BREAKING: Trump sends TSA to oversee Hormuz Strait. Iran to immediately capitulate.

[Agent Smith @TSAgov]

Open the Fuckin’ Dunkin, you crazy bastards, or you’ll be living in Hell – JUST WATCH! Praise be to Affleck.

[Agent Smith @TSAgov]

.@PamBondi https://t.co/WUaIIzDuFy

[Agent Smith @TSAgov]

Welp. We've officially been replaced by a hypothetical pregnant Mexican woman as the outrage dejour.

Good luck, Lupe.

[Agent Smith @TSAgov]

@NikkiHaley