dadsoldbird

[dadsoldbird @T_Law709]

*suddenly, I transform into Evan Turpin*

[dadsoldbird @T_Law709]

I am blessed with these fucked legs

[dadsoldbird @T_Law709]

If I had a condom I would put it on and see how it fits to practice for a real life sex and hold my gun and put a bullet in it

[dadsoldbird @T_Law709]

Dads mustache tickles when he kisses me hehehe

[dadsoldbird @T_Law709]

@clintSheistwood I am not aware of any Skype and I am also so drunk

[dadsoldbird @T_Law709]

Tried to bowl a lobster but he was still alive and pinced off my biiiiird

[dadsoldbird @T_Law709]

Get pregnant and get some milk on the go, there is a glass with Kalua and vodka in it, just waiting for your squeeze

[dadsoldbird @T_Law709]

I wish girls would fuck me back

[dadsoldbird @T_Law709]

9 hour layover in goose bay, gonna end up in striver surrounded by fire

[dadsoldbird @T_Law709]

I wanna see prometheus in theatres and eat popcorn and snacks and shit my dirty diapey and get a big ol pop and piss on the floor

[dadsoldbird @T_Law709]

A friend of mine who is a girl took a shit at my house and I'm like "she into skat or some shit?" like wtf

[dadsoldbird @T_Law709]

That show "Howie do it" starring howie mandel is so god damn fucked up.

[dadsoldbird @T_Law709]

"oh yeah I get blumpkins all the time" *sucks his own dick and shits in his pamper*

[dadsoldbird @T_Law709]

At work I have started the trend of putting your head down wherever and fucking sleeping for hours until your boss spanks your ass off

[dadsoldbird @T_Law709]

I took my dad out for all you can eat lobster on fathers day but he wouldn't stop screaming

[dadsoldbird @T_Law709]

Someone told me i look like Cody Simpson, I think i look more like homer Simpson( old and fat hell body)

[dadsoldbird @T_Law709]

Hey bro I'm smellin you, let's blaze a joint and I'll change your pamper. Looking out for my boyz

[dadsoldbird @T_Law709]

At least I still have my millennium 2000 beanie babies from McDonald's and inspector gadget(all parts)

[dadsoldbird @T_Law709]

At the beach with my boys watching supernatural on my laptop! Sippin my ice Capp enjoying the nice weather!

[dadsoldbird @T_Law709]

Attention party! There is coke on the go, birthday blast