Tamera Duken

Im 25% mom 25% comedian 62% boobs 48% mathematician and 100% woman-monkey.

[Tamera Duken @TameraDuken]

Asian women look 16 forever and one day out of nowhere look 159 years old.

[Tamera Duken @TameraDuken]

One time I asked some girl what she was thinking. By the time she finished her thought we had 2 children.

[Tamera Duken @TameraDuken]

If you are older than 17 and have mad love for Justin Bieber ,you are the reason whales are the most intelligent species.

[Tamera Duken @TameraDuken]

I agree that some people might have been dropped on their heads as a baby, but some people were clearly thrown against a wall.

[Tamera Duken @TameraDuken]

Girl, me without you is like the History Channel without World War Two.

[Tamera Duken @TameraDuken]

Fell down in a bar last night, but didn't spill my drink. Is there an online application for Seal Team-6 or do I just wait for them to call?

[Tamera Duken @TameraDuken]

Please pray for my friends' 4 yr old. I just found out that ten minutes of his life wasn't photographed or documented on Facebook today.

[Tamera Duken @TameraDuken]

If gas gets any more expensive I'll have to file for tankruptcy!

[Tamera Duken @TameraDuken]

Music always puts me in a better mood.

[Tamera Duken @TameraDuken]

My days usually start backwards. I wake up tired and go to bed wide awake.

[Tamera Duken @TameraDuken]

I'm not going to sit around and wait for you forever.

[Tamera Duken @TameraDuken]

If anyone ever tells you your dreams are silly, remember there's some millionaire walking around who invented the Pool Noodle.

[Tamera Duken @TameraDuken]

I got a dig bick. You this read wrong. You read that wrong too.

[Tamera Duken @TameraDuken]

Is it called NASCAR because that's the way a hillbilly pronounces 'nice car?'

[Tamera Duken @TameraDuken]

Delicious pictures on microwavable foods are the reason I have trust issues.

[Tamera Duken @TameraDuken]

I don't understand why you guys complain about never being able to finish a tube of chapstick, it usually only takes me 2 or 3 bites.

[Tamera Duken @TameraDuken]

I just went to poop without my phone & had to entertain myself with a magazine like a god damned caveman.

[Tamera Duken @TameraDuken]

Love that show where they lure loan officers into a house with mending, To Patch a Creditor.

[Tamera Duken @TameraDuken]

Finally threw out some old bananas because once they go black you never go back.

[Tamera Duken @TameraDuken]

Don't think there are no second chances. Life always offers you a second chance... It's called tomorrow.