Ted L. Nancy

Official Twitter for esteemed author Ted L. Nancy.

[Ted L. Nancy @TedLNancy]

I asked my girlfriend: "Hey, do you want to watch Stepfather 4 tonight?" She made That Face.

[Ted L. Nancy @TedLNancy]

I’m really sorry to see the 99 Cents Store close. I got my ex wife her Silver Anniversary gift there.

[Ted L. Nancy @TedLNancy]

My version of JOLENE is not ready yet.

[Ted L. Nancy @TedLNancy]

@shivaye01 @fasc1nate You are a giant.

[Ted L. Nancy @TedLNancy]

@leanne_yacyshyn You're beautiful!

[Ted L. Nancy @TedLNancy]

I bought one of those chattering teeth that you wind up and it moves around clicking. Whenever I get a spam call I say, "Hold on. I'm having trouble with my teeth." Then I put the chattering teeth into the phone.

[Ted L. Nancy @TedLNancy]

Remember TEAM spelled backwards is MEAT if you spell it wrong. And there's no "I" in meat either.

[Ted L. Nancy @TedLNancy]

I highly recommend a holiday movie - Santa's Porch Package Thieves Christmas. Santa delivers stolen packages all over the world . On Blitzen!

[Ted L. Nancy @TedLNancy]

They're running out of movie ideas. This is what I put on my Movies To Watch list: "This Underwear Is Damned."

[Ted L. Nancy @TedLNancy]

"This is what I asked my dry cleaner this morning:
"Can you take the stains out of one shirt and put them in another shirt?" He just looked at me.

[Ted L. Nancy @TedLNancy]

Just unveiled: New Los Angeles City Seal. Car through a plate glass restaurant window with a senior at the wheel.

[Ted L. Nancy @TedLNancy]

Oppenheimer was working on figuring out toilet paper math after the bomb project. 2 ply, 1 ply, how many sheets, thickness of each sheet.

[Ted L. Nancy @TedLNancy]

Looking at mens shirts at the mall. They had sizes, XL, XXL, 3 XL, Fitted Sheet.

[Ted L. Nancy @TedLNancy]

I see they have the Chippendale Dancers show in Las Vegas. Apparently 6 men in shape is now a show in Las Vegas.

[Ted L. Nancy @TedLNancy]

President Biden’s domestic policy adviser, Susan Rice, is stepping down from her post.

In certain academic circles she is known as esteemed Rice. (I'm only the messenger)

[Ted L. Nancy @TedLNancy]

@AnneSerling Thank God for your father. What a great talent.

[Ted L. Nancy @TedLNancy]

@iamrachelwolf God bless you.

[Ted L. Nancy @TedLNancy]

I met a man. He said his name was John Jacob Jingle Heimer Schmidt. I said “Hey, that my name too. But I spell mine with 2 M’s in Heimmer.“ He got up close like Liam Neeson and said: “I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. I have a very special set of skills. "

[Ted L. Nancy @TedLNancy]

I liked my elementary school gym teacher, Mrs. Zlot. She was very thorough. She had all the bells and whistles on her.

[Ted L. Nancy @TedLNancy]

IT’S JUST MY 4 CENTS (adjusted for inflation)
I don’t like lettuce on a sandwich. Lettuce should be in a salad. That’s where it belongs.