TED

Here to make you laugh. Parody account, not affiliated with Ted the movie.

[TED @TedsReal]

This kid has life figured out!

[TED @TedsReal]

TED is BACK!

[TED @TedsReal]

there’s nothing scarier than the split second where you lose your balance in the shower and think “oh god they’re going to find me naked”

[TED @TedsReal]

I heard you're a player.

Nice to meet you,

I'm the coach.

[TED @TedsReal]

I need a job that pays at least 10,000 dollars an hour..

[TED @TedsReal]

I wish I had speakers built inside my shower.

[TED @TedsReal]

"K." Well potassium to you too, motherfucker.

[TED @TedsReal]

If you can say these 4 words fast without getting tongue tied, you're a genius:
1: Eye
2: Yam
3: Stew
4: Peed

[TED @TedsReal]

Top Five Rappers:
1. Eminem,
2. Slim Shady,
3. Marshall Mathers,
4. B Rabbit,
5. The white guy from D-12.

[TED @TedsReal]

Just because two people fight doesn’t mean they don’t love each other, and just because two people don’t fight, doesn’t mean they do.

[TED @TedsReal]

Every night, it's an endless battle between sleep and the internet.

[TED @TedsReal]

If you watch Titanic backwards, it's a heart warming tale of a ship that jumps out of the water and saves lots of drowning people.

[TED @TedsReal]

things that are enjoyable:

• showers

things that are not enjoyable:

• getting in the shower
• getting out of the shower

[TED @TedsReal]

Take a second look at these logo fails, I'm laughing so hard http://t.co/QEJPXNjZKl - sp

[TED @TedsReal]

Somedays, I wish I had more middle fingers.

[TED @TedsReal]

I believe in second chances, I just don't think everyone deserves them...

[TED @TedsReal]

Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and they live for 150 years. Lesson learned.

[TED @TedsReal]

I was going to do that, but then you told me to.

[TED @TedsReal]

Of course my clothes are on the floor. That is where I hang them.

[TED @TedsReal]

Dear food: Stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.