Tina Burns

I write about death, dead people, and ghosts - and the dumb things they make me do - hit me up if you're dead, and I'll work you into my next book.

[Tina Burns @TeeBurnsie]

#dirtydancingNOT In protest of last night's airing of the Dirty Dancing remake, I put myself in a corner.

[Tina Burns @TeeBurnsie]

I'm from Georgia and have a wee drawl, but speak with a British accent when strangers on planes try to talk to me #myweirdsecret

[Tina Burns @TeeBurnsie]

"Two tears in a bucket..." well, you know the rest.

[Tina Burns @TeeBurnsie]

@KatyVestal18 Gotta look good in my casket

[Tina Burns @TeeBurnsie]

@steveolivas EVERY hotel in Vegas

[Tina Burns @TeeBurnsie]

@ChuckWendig tis but a kidney

[Tina Burns @TeeBurnsie]

To understand the squeaky toy, you must become the squeaky toy. BE the squeaky toy!.........Ollie Beans, the dog

[Tina Burns @TeeBurnsie]

nobody understands me like my dog - and he just farted and left the room #mylifewithadog

[Tina Burns @TeeBurnsie]

@SamuelLJackson finally hit my bucket list item as an extra yesterday only to find out you weren't on set...am bummed..love you, hon! #thelastfullmeasure

[Tina Burns @TeeBurnsie]

So, I lost 30 pounds in 3 months - now cursed with saggy skin - looks like a vagina growing in my armpit #losingweight

[Tina Burns @TeeBurnsie]

#IOnceOverheard 1st bra shopping trip - Mom tells clerk "she doesn't really need a bra but I don't have the heart to tell her. You do it."

[Tina Burns @TeeBurnsie]

Dear FitBit...thank you for confirming my addiction issues.

[Tina Burns @TeeBurnsie]

#MyWeirdNeighbor has a 6 ft rubber snake on his porch to ward off Jehovah Witnesses

[Tina Burns @TeeBurnsie]

@jimmyfallon Jimmy, where did you get your pet raccoon?

[Tina Burns @TeeBurnsie]

#amwriting I have the day off tomorrow - gonna put on a pink tutu and write - there may be Cadbury eggs involved

[Tina Burns @TeeBurnsie]

So, exactly how many flippin' house flippin' shows do we really need?

[Tina Burns @TeeBurnsie]

Leg cramp...damnit...damnit...leg cramp. Commence the leg cramp dance.

[Tina Burns @TeeBurnsie]

#weddingfail Hubby thought our wedding date seemed familiar - week before our wedding he remembered it was the same date he married his ex

[Tina Burns @TeeBurnsie]

@LaurenDeStefano One must have priorities!