Nando

Once stepped on a Lego and only cried for six minutes.

[Nando @TehNando]

@peakstoponds I bet he's gonna ban anyone who doesn't worship him.

[Nando @TehNando]

Huge thank you to the @ATT social media team for helping me with an issue :)

[Nando @TehNando]

@peakstoponds That thing is HUGE! Did it leave holes in people's homes too?

[Nando @TehNando]

@ATTHelp Thank you! Apologies for the gigantic wall of text that I just sent over...

[Nando @TehNando]

@ATT is there some way you can check an online order (store pick up) I placed a month ago to see if it was actually canceled? ATT Store said it was canceled and sold me a phone through them. I had to talk to customer service today and there appears to be a disconnect...

[Nando @TehNando]

I keep my cholesterol at rediculous levels so that if anything ever bites me, they die.

I'm practically the next evolution of humans.

[Nando @TehNando]

@peakstoponds Does it dent your skull? That's when it becomes hail :/

[Nando @TehNando]

@peakstoponds The right wing sure loves defending Nazis... What the fuck.

[Nando @TehNando]

@peakstoponds How do dogs shed so much without going bald? Mine sheds like he's ten dogs in one and somehow still has hair...

[Nando @TehNando]

@peakstoponds Did you make it or did a Deer take you out?

[Nando @TehNando]

@peakstoponds I can't ADHD in reverse to put the chart together lol
But it did involve the crazies taking Whale constipation medication as a preventative for COVID.

[Nando @TehNando]

If anyone is curious, Whales can get constipated.

[Nando @TehNando]

@peakstoponds It's ADHD at its finest, but your post made me Google if Whales can get constipated...
The answer is yes.
No medication for it, so these people won't be taking any Whale Pepto anytime soon.
Anyway...

[Nando @TehNando]

Formula 1 yesterday...

[Nando @TehNando]

@peakstoponds It's called "Someone pour me some Bourbon, put on my favorite TV show or movie, tell me I'm awesome, hand me a slice of cheesecake, and go to the other room."
I think. Idk.

[prance @bocxtop]

*watching a billionaire above me burn 300 gallons of fuel flying to applebees* oh no i didn't bring my own bag to the store

[Nando @TehNando]

@mrbrianceron Damn right! Tweet your heart out!

[Nando @TehNando]

@elonmusk Yes! Also. When are you getting your own Iron Man suit?

[Nando @TehNando]

@vicious_sixx I wish :( I felt like a grandpa at EDC like 3-4 years ago.

[Nando @TehNando]

@peakstoponds Be sure to get your funeral stuff posted on Twitter.
Will your corpse be in a casket filled with nacho cheese? Need to know before the mysterious entourage shows up and symbolically places a nacho in your casket and walks away.