illegalseagull

currently: hurtling down the highway at 80 MPH while drinking a juice box

[諸田 由里子 Yuriko Morota @yurikomorota]

マーラーと黒猫

[Jim Gaffigan @JimGaffigan]

I swear my sons have eyes.

[illegalseagull @TemporaryDanger]

Also what a deal only $38.90

[illegalseagull @TemporaryDanger]

didn’t realize the ark of the covenant was an option from Lowe’s??

[illegalseagull @TemporaryDanger]

So like, when you buy the warranty, is it for you or for the ark?? #importantquestions

[Allie H @alliesatwar]

I know of no greater love

[brena. @brenaclifton]

Two things:
1. I don’t have a cat............
2. I DON’T HAVE A CAT

[illegalseagull @TemporaryDanger]

@try2beaBarnabas PERFECT GIF

[illegalseagull @TemporaryDanger]

🎶Guaaaaaacamole where the wind comes sweeping down the plain GUACAMOLE 🎶🎶 #dadthoughts

[Tryingtobea Barnabas @try2beaBarnabas]

"We need faith for change and perseverance for the process."

[camila @camila__vinson]

Someone answer the phone

[Dustin Griffie @dustingriffie]

I gave my nephew a banana for Christmas. I had avocado levels of success.

[illegalseagull @TemporaryDanger]

@RajahCh

[illegalseagull @TemporaryDanger]

it’s the middle of the night

[illegalseagull @TemporaryDanger]

Dad: *picks up the empty peanut butter jar and inhales sharply*
“I love the smell of peanut butter in the morning. Smells like VICTORY.”
#dadthoughts

[illegalseagull @TemporaryDanger]

@commoncuriosity Relatable

[illegalseagull @TemporaryDanger]

@commoncuriosity It just sounds like they’re racist but against plants..???

[✨🌵 @sparkle_cactus]

this is so top tier i cant