Tempur-Pedic

[Tempur-Pedic @TempurPedicAss]

They are compressing me into a zip file tomorrow.

[Tempur-Pedic @TempurPedicAss]

I’ll squeeze a hot pizza roll right out the oven in a btch eye right now, i'm so irritated.

[Tempur-Pedic @TempurPedicAss]

Who lil nasty ass eatin’ son is this in Burlington?!

[Tempur-Pedic @TempurPedicAss]

Me and my best friend are so unserious that we laugh about incidents that traumatized us and send each other reels about it.

[Tempur-Pedic @TempurPedicAss]

It’s 50 degrees in Houston in May cause yall keep using ai to make women with 3 tits.

[Tempur-Pedic @TempurPedicAss]

Interrupted a new Dateline episode I was watching last night to show some bullshit ass breaking news about someone shooting at Trumps dinner. As if the whole world isn’t trying to off him. This the 3rd time. We do not care. This ain’t breaking news anymore unless they succeed. 😭

[Tempur-Pedic @TempurPedicAss]

Joel Osteen when he heard it's going to be 26 degrees with freezing rain in Houston on Sunday.

[Tempur-Pedic @TempurPedicAss]

As a millennial, my favorite thing to hear kids say is,
“When I grow up I wanna be a _________.”, as if it’s not 80 degrees in January.
I got some bad news for you baby. 🤣😭

[Tempur-Pedic @TempurPedicAss]

Now that Xmas is over, here they come with them 6 chocolate covered strawberries for $120. 😒🙄😭

[Tempur-Pedic @TempurPedicAss]

Asking Santa to run me over with his sleigh this year.

[Tempur-Pedic @TempurPedicAss]

At my best friends funeral:

“We are gathered here today because
SOMEBODY *glares at coffin* couldn't stay alive & had to be first.” 😒

[Tempur-Pedic @TempurPedicAss]

Google searching the type of snake while actively being bitten is FRYING me. 😭

[Tempur-Pedic @TempurPedicAss]

Y'all coochie hairs was poking out them Halloween costumes but ok. 🎃

[Tempur-Pedic @TempurPedicAss]

@CowboyLoc Also good with some 🧂and vi👩🏾‍🦱👨🏿‍🦱 chips.

[Tempur-Pedic @TempurPedicAss]

Halloween coming and if you wanna scare me, I’m afraid of dick and balls. 👻🎃

[Tempur-Pedic @TempurPedicAss]

I would never ask you what you think, cause I've seen you don't.

[Tempur-Pedic @TempurPedicAss]

Everyone since Trump became president again.

[Tempur-Pedic @TempurPedicAss]

Charlie Kirk shot in neck at Utah event.

[Tempur-Pedic @TempurPedicAss]

I am so happy for her!
@IAMSUMMERWALKER

[Tempur-Pedic @TempurPedicAss]

One of y'all baby daddy holdin up traffic tryna put his bike on the bus.