Toyosi

Why have a bio, when we are consistently evolving in our careers & who we eventually become? Leader at Large @desire1709fash

[Toyosi @TgJonah]

Dear #momofboys we have a lot of work on our hands, it is our responsibility to raise our boys the right way and with the right values.
A 🧵

[Toyosi @TgJonah]

Have you ever realised people were attached to a role you played rather than who you actually are?

[Toyosi @TgJonah]

Most people don’t love you.
They love the version of you that makes them comfortable.
The version that never complains.
The version that keeps showing up.
The version that always says yes.
The version that doesn’t ask for too much.

[Toyosi @TgJonah]

Maybe your next level of healing isn’t learning how to be loved.
Maybe it’s learning how to stop performing. Because being loved for who you pretend to be is exhausting.

But being fully known and still loved?

That’s freedom.

[Toyosi @TgJonah]

And honestly?
That’s why God’s love is so transformative.

Because He already knows the parts you’re hiding, the parts you’re ashamed of, the parts you’re still trying to fix.

And He stays.

[Toyosi @TgJonah]

I don’t want connections that require me to abandon myself.
I want the kind of love that can survive truth.
The kind that remains when the titles disappear.
When the achievements disappear.
When the performance ends.

[Toyosi @TgJonah]

Because it forced me to stop performing.

The older I get, the less interested I am in being admired, & the more interested I am in being authentic.

I don’t want relationships built on masks.
I don’t want friendships built on pretending.

[Toyosi @TgJonah]

When I went through one of the hardest seasons of my life, I discovered that some people loved access, some people loved convenience, some people loved what I provided.
Very few loved me.

And strangely enough that discovery was one of the most liberating experiences of my life.

[Toyosi @TgJonah]

The moment you stop being who everyone expects…

You discover who was truly connected to you and who was connected to your usefulness.

I learnt this the hard way.

[Toyosi @TgJonah]

Being honest about your struggles.

Your mistakes, your limitations,your disappointments.
And wondering if people will still stay.
This is why so many women stay stuck.
Not because they lack strength.
But because authenticity threatens the relationships built on performance.

[Toyosi @TgJonah]

Because being loved for who you’re pretending to be is one of the loneliest experiences in the world.

Nobody sees you, they only see the role.

And I have found that the real fear isn’t being rejected, the real fear is being fully seen.

[Toyosi @TgJonah]

You know you’re trapped in performance when:
• You feel guilty resting.
• You apologise for having needs.
• You fear disappointing people more than disappointing yourself.
• You are loved by many but feel deeply alone.

[Toyosi @TgJonah]

And here’s the uncomfortable part:
Some of us became so good at performing that we no longer know where and when the performance ends.

[Toyosi @TgJonah]

The strong friend.
The perfect mother.
The selfless wife.
The dependable daughter.
The woman who has it all together.

People applaud her, meanwhile she’s drowning.

[Toyosi @TgJonah]

The version that makes everyone else’s life easier.

Many women spend years being loved
But not known.
And because the love feels good, they don’t question it.

Until one day they realise they’re exhausted from maintaining a character they created for survival.

[Toyosi @TgJonah]

And one thing life has taught me:

People always reveal themselves eventually.

The question is whether you are patient enough to notice before you become too attached🤷🏽‍♀️

[Toyosi @TgJonah]

Patience protects the heart better than excitement.
Because people reveal themselves slowly.

[Toyosi @TgJonah]

Because peace is built slowly.
Trust is built slowly.
Healthy relationships are built slowly.
Anyone rushing you to abandon wisdom usually benefits from your lack of it.

Patience is not pessimism, it is emotional maturity.

It is understanding that observation is protection.

[Toyosi @TgJonah]

Trying to force clarity before life naturally reveals it.
This is something I have become deeply intentional about in this season of my life.

Not rushing people.
Not over-romanticising potential.
Not allowing loneliness, excitement or attention to override discernment.

[Toyosi @TgJonah]

People can perform well temporarily.
Almost anyone can appear kind, intentional, emotionally available or disciplined for a short period.

Time is what exposes authenticity.

And honestly? Many heartbreaks are not caused by lack of signs.
They are caused by ignoring timing.

[Toyosi @TgJonah]

Excitement is loud,patience is observant.
Excitement wants to rush ahead.
Patience sits back & watches patterns.
Becos character is not revealed in chemistry alone.
Time reveals character.
Consistency reveals character.
Pressure reveals character.
Boundaries reveal character.

[Toyosi @TgJonah]

We meet someone and immediately project potential onto them.

We fill in the blanks with hope.

We get attached to the idea of who they could be before fully observing who they actually are.