Michael Scott

Bippity boppity, gimme the zoppity

[Michael Scott @ThaMichaelScott]

Dwight: I’ll just have another dumatril. Jim taught me this really cool way to take it. You crush it into a powder and you snort it up your butt.

[Michael Scott @ThaMichaelScott]

You should never settle for who you are.

[Michael Scott @ThaMichaelScott]

But seriously, if you break that girl’s heart I will literally kill you and your entire family.

[Michael Scott @ThaMichaelScott]

Michael: Did I come from a woman? Have I slept with a woman? More than one?
Dwight: Less than three.
Michael: That is not current.

[Michael Scott @ThaMichaelScott]

What if the moon was your car, and Jupiter was your hairbrush?

[Michael Scott @ThaMichaelScott]

I saved a life. My own. Am I a hero? I really can't say. But, yes.

[Michael Scott @ThaMichaelScott]

It was a weird day. I accidentally cross-dressed.

[Michael Scott @ThaMichaelScott]

I mean, who's gonna give Kevin an award? Dunkin' Donuts?

[Michael Scott @ThaMichaelScott]

Mmmmm, sounds yummy. I will have a chicken breast hold the chicken.

[Michael Scott @ThaMichaelScott]

The company has made it my responsibility today to put an end to 100,000 years of being weirded out by gays.

[Michael Scott @ThaMichaelScott]

Toby's divorced. God, that's hard. That really ripped you up. She got the kids, right?