Dave Jones

Drunken troublesome wit, born with half the blood but none of the luck of the Irish. More exciting than an Amish funeral. (He/Him)

[ITV Football @itvfootball]

"They were more afraid to drop out of the tournament than having the excitement and hunger to win it" 👀

Thomas Tuchel reflects on England's Euro2024 campaign 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿

#ITVFootball | #ThreeLions | @England | @GabrielClarke05

[RS Archer @archer_rs]

This is always worth repeating. Before the BBC decided for reasons unknown to endlessly platform Farage and allow his comments to go unchallenged he was a nobody, a fringe of a fringe, a far right nutcase loathed by most decent people and yet the BBC made him a star.

[Tottenham Hotspur @SpursOfficial]

Apologies for any inconvenience and disappointment this may cause.

[Scott Mills @scott_mills]

Stop guessing ages! You're as young as you feel!

[Dave Jones @ThatDaveJones]

@Ash_Lee_IRL Trans women are a bit of a good thing

[sora 🖤🔆 @BlackheartSora]

FUCK ICE

[Memecastle United @Memecastle_Utd]

You score 3? We'll score 4.

That one's for you Kev 👑

[Aston Villa @AstonVilla]

that united fan could've had two haircuts 💇‍♂️

[F1NN5TER @F1NN5TER]

finally, some good news

[Dave Jones @ThatDaveJones]

@currys Pulp Fiction

[Dave Jones @ThatDaveJones]

Christmas is shit. Eat a swan.

This message brought to you by the estate of Queen Elizabeth II

[Anon Opin. @anon_opin]

The only good Christmas is when you are 7. Any younger and you have no idea what's going on. Any older and it's a repetitive chore. It's horribly samey. Change things, like swap out turkey for swan, or December for July. Life shouldn't be a stuck record.

[Football Tweet ⚽ @Footballtweet]

📖 The story of Wayne Rooney's life since 2003/04:

▪️ Left Everton
▪️ Got married
▪️ Had three kids
▪️ Won 16 trophies
▪️ Lost his hair
▪️ Got a transplant
▪️ Became Man Utd’s all-time top goalscorer
▪️ Became England's all-time top goalscorer
▪️ Went back to Everton
▪️ Moved to MLS
▪️ Lose his hair again
▪️ Came back and played for Derby
▪️ Then managed Derby and got relegated
▪️ Moved to USA again
▪️ Went to Birmingham and got sacked
▪️ Went to Plymouth and got sacked
▪️ Became a pundit.

And in all that time, Arsenal still haven’t won the Premier League. 😭

[Zohran Kwame Mamdani @ZohranKMamdani]

@_anupa this shit took me forever

[Dave Jones @ThatDaveJones]

@Dominos_UK No double decadence

[Dave Jones @ThatDaveJones]

@mysteryguides I think you need to follow me before I can DM you, or feel free to DM me first

[Dave Jones @ThatDaveJones]

@mysteryguides are these posted out in plain packaging? I want to get one for my wife for her birthday but she works from home so don't want to spoil the surprise

[Dave Jones @ThatDaveJones]

@mysteryguides That's amazing, thanks! Happy to help test the new version, I'll need it by Nov 21st so if that works for you it would be great

[Dave Jones @ThatDaveJones]

@mysteryguides Ah no! I was just waiting for payday to get the Brighton one but I've just gone on your site and it's been replaced by a pre-order one which isn't out until December! I don't suppose there's any chance of getting one of the old ones by the end of November is there?

[Dave Jones @ThatDaveJones]

@mysteryguides Beautiful, thank you