Mummy Dear

life, spicy chips, ghosts, history and jokes 🇨🇦

[Mummy Dear @ThatMummyLife]

My 4yo pretended she was a hired cleaner yesterday as. As she helped me clean she asked if I had any kids. After telling her about my 2 I asked if she had any of her own. Turns out she has 5 kids and has been married to a man named Carlin for 30 years. You think you know someone.

[Mummy Dear @ThatMummyLife]

@Heather_Vanilla Careful, you’ve just unlocked a new addiction!

[Mummy Dear @ThatMummyLife]

@NukesTop5 Phew

[Mummy Dear @ThatMummyLife]

After school, my 10 yo found a quarter and sarcastically told me he was rich.
I joked, “Perfect timing. Your rent is due.”
He handed me the coin. When I tried to give it back, he put it in my hand and smiled. “Keep the change.”

[Mummy Dear @ThatMummyLife]

A haunted house but it’s just your hormones holding you hostage.

[Mummy Dear @ThatMummyLife]

Me: *sneezes*

10 yo: *mutters from across the room* I live with animals.

[Mummy Dear @ThatMummyLife]

@JulioHashem @westcoast_DJ One summer (many moons ago) when I was an unpaid intern, I won the 100 dollar gift card. I rode that high for a long time and it bought be many lunches 😆

[Mummy Dear @ThatMummyLife]

When your mind tells you what that pillar probably tastes like but you NEED to make sure:

[Mummy Dear @ThatMummyLife]

Whenever I go to the grocery store to buy produce I can’t help but think of the hours of footage they must have of me trying to open those little bags.

[Mummy Dear @ThatMummyLife]

@kosluftar @davidalter The only way to get through that dumpster fire

[Mummy Dear @ThatMummyLife]

A ghost joined us on the walk to the school bus this morning…

[Mummy Dear @ThatMummyLife]

@momjeansplease On a plot of land far far away

[Mummy Dear @ThatMummyLife]

@IHideFromMyKids 3 am… is it a ghost or my brain

[Mummy Dear @ThatMummyLife]

@DrakeGatsby Pair it with a pen that looks like a ruler.

[Mummy Dear @ThatMummyLife]

@WhatsAGreenhorn You and me both!

[Mummy Dear @ThatMummyLife]

Reading a book about plants at bedtime and my 10 yr old pointed to a picture of a ‘beech’ and said, “this is you.”

Can’t even get mad at him for that one.

[Mummy Dear @ThatMummyLife]

Do I have legs for days? I’d say so. Had these ones for almost 38 years.

[Mummy Dear @ThatMummyLife]

@sweatsntopknots But will you return them 🤔

[Mummy Dear @ThatMummyLife]

Feeling down? Have you tried chips and salsa-ing about it?

[Mummy Dear @ThatMummyLife]

I think Hannibal Lecter and I have different definitions of “Girl Dinner.”

[Mummy Dear @ThatMummyLife]

@momjeansplease Miss you too and the old days!