Just Sam

Co-produced a defunct sketch show, co-hosted a closed open mic, wrote ~100 unfinished stories. Don't gimme coffee, cuz this bitch cant close. #TTRPG #ACAB #BLM

[Just Sam @ThatSamBourne]

When vinegar says it contains the “mother” this is what I picture

[William Sawikin @sveekins]

Stupid sexy Dr. Frankenstein I designed for a freelance gig. Thank you @ThatSamBourne for reaching out!!

[Just Sam @ThatSamBourne]

[About to have sex]

Me: (struggling with wrapper) GAH!!

Her: It’s OK. We can do it once without

Me: YOU KNOW I NEED MY JOCK JAMS!

[Just Sam @ThatSamBourne]

The bodega guy when you order something off the Boar’s Head menu above the deli counter:

[Just Sam @ThatSamBourne]

For a dude named Harry Styles he’s only got like 2 Hairy Styles 🤬👎

[Just Sam @ThatSamBourne]

If this unholy cloud monster gets to sell us tires AND pick the worlds best restaurants, I say we give the battery rabbit the power to pardon death row inmates.

[Just Sam @ThatSamBourne]

*jacked dudes lifting at the gym*

“Weeeee!”

[Just Sam @ThatSamBourne]

After spending time with my niece, I realized I would exercise a lot more if my kettlebells giggled when I lifted them over my head.

[Just Sam @ThatSamBourne]

INT. JEFFERSONIAN — DAY

Bones: Perimortem stress fractures on the mandible tell us that the victim was gagged at the time of death.

Hodgins: That fits with the traces of polymer resin we found in his teeth

My ghost: (chewin an entire roll of bubble tape) WRONG AGAIN BUCKO!

[Just Sam @ThatSamBourne]

@PFTompkins fucking weird rebus for a Tuesday, but I think I nailed it!

[Just Sam @ThatSamBourne]

One of these days I’m gonna shit myself skinny, I know it.

[Just Sam @ThatSamBourne]

Gonna start walking around with a sock full of nickels so next time I see a Nazi I can beat their ass until I make change.

[Just Sam @ThatSamBourne]

@TyTheFisch Who hurt you?

And why didn’t they finish the job?

[Just Sam @ThatSamBourne]

It’s been three years of Zoom chats and I still fight the urge to end every call with “love you”

[Just Sam @ThatSamBourne]

“I just can’t get them to mate with the Queen!” shouted the apiarist unbecomingly

[Just Sam @ThatSamBourne]

It’s only Halloween candy if it’s from the Halles region of France. Otherwise it’s just spookeling sweets.

[Just Sam @ThatSamBourne]

WEDNESDAY TRIVIA:

Daniel Tooth invented the toothbrush in 1893. Before him we just called em smelly mouth bones. #TheMoreYouKnow

[Just Sam @ThatSamBourne]

OK FOR THE LAST TIME, THIS IS HOW GATORADE WORKS:

Red = restores HP
Blue = restores MP
Orange = cures status condition
Yellow = raises KO’d ally

[Just Sam @ThatSamBourne]

“I made fish sticks in the air fryer”
- basic
- nobody cares

“Just vaped up some fish sticks”
- SICK AF
- Parents are concerned!

[Just Sam @ThatSamBourne]

What…what do these cat treats think is gonna happen?? 😳🙀🙅‍♂️