That's Marriage

The not so exaggerated tales of Married Life

[That's Marriage @ThatsMarriage]

My wife can read my mind.

Mostly because she decides what I think.

[That's Marriage @ThatsMarriage]

When you finally meet your Twitter crush in person

[That's Marriage @ThatsMarriage]

When your spouse won't stop snoring

[That's Marriage @ThatsMarriage]

Wife: Why are you home so late?!?!

Husband: Umm... uh, I was cheating on you?

Wife: YOU WERE PLAYING POKEMON GO AGAIN WERENT YOU?!

[That's Marriage @ThatsMarriage]

I like to convince my friends to get married because misery loves company.

[That's Marriage @ThatsMarriage]

How the rest of your life starts after marriage:

[That's Marriage @ThatsMarriage]

Husband: You love the cat more than me

Wife: No!

Husband: If we were both hanging off a cliff, who'd you save?

Wife: Fuzzy weighs less...

[That's Marriage @ThatsMarriage]

People nowadays be like

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Marriage is weird. You basically think someone is cool enough that you promise to have sex with only them til one of you dies.

[That's Marriage @ThatsMarriage]

#RedNoseDay is so awesome🙌🏻

[That's Marriage @ThatsMarriage]

Wife: Should we renew our vows?

Husband: Why? There's no way you'll still fit in your wedding dress

Wife:

Husband: Please don't poison me

[That's Marriage @ThatsMarriage]

Wife: I started my period.

Husband: So that's why you've been acting like a bi-

Wife:

Husband: -big ole bucket of sunshine and rainbows!

[That's Marriage @ThatsMarriage]

Wife: I made dinner.

Husband: Wow look at that! Nothing's charred!

Wife:

Husband: I'll sleep on the couch tonight...

[That's Marriage @ThatsMarriage]

Husband: How much do you love me?

Wife: Enough to not cover your head with a pillow at night...

[That's Marriage @ThatsMarriage]

Husband: I think I'm going to start a cool biker gang with my friends.

Wife: What friends?

[That's Marriage @ThatsMarriage]

"We'll have kids when our dog dies."

*buys a never-ending puppy farm*

[That's Marriage @ThatsMarriage]

Wife: You're chewing too loud.

Husband: What do you want me to do?

Wife: Be Brad Pitt.

[That's Marriage @ThatsMarriage]

When your spouse walks away after an argument:

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Husband: Happy Mother's Day!

Wife: But we don't have kids.

Husband: I KNOW RIGHT?!

*they high five*

[That's Marriage @ThatsMarriage]

Hubby: What did the cat say after eating two robins lying in the sun?

Wife: No

Hubby: I just love baskin' robins!

Wife: I want a divorce.