Alan Garner

I am NOT Alan Garner - This is a parody account

[Alan Garner @TheAlanGarner_]

Everyone Retweet my last tweet!!! MAKE IT HAPPEN

[Alan Garner @TheAlanGarner_]

1 tequila, 2 tequilas, 3 tequiklas, 4 teuiqlas, 5 teuiqlsd, 6 teiqulkss, 7 eteiqlas, 8 treqiklas, 9 trwqiukas 10 trewquwtss.

[Alan Garner @TheAlanGarner_]

Only true friends go straight to your refrigerator when they go to your house.

[Alan Garner @TheAlanGarner_]

DEAR WALKWAY, Please get wider... SINCERELY, 3rd friend walking behind feeling excluded.

[Alan Garner @TheAlanGarner_]

Girl: What color are my eyes? Guy: 34C

[Alan Garner @TheAlanGarner_]

Rearrange these words: 1) PNEIS 2) HTIELR 3) NGGERI 4) BUTTSXE... Did you read: Spine, lither, ginger and subtext? Naughty Naughty.

[Alan Garner @TheAlanGarner_]

You gotta hand it to the midgets... Because sometimes they can't reach it.

[Alan Garner @TheAlanGarner_]

A ghost could be humping you right now and you would never know...

[Alan Garner @TheAlanGarner_]

Pardon me, Sir Gangster? Your trousers are descending.

[Alan Garner @TheAlanGarner_]

"Dude, I wasn't that drunk" "You threw my hamster and saying "GO PIKACHU!"

[Alan Garner @TheAlanGarner_]

Check out these 20 pics. They are very trippy and will trick your eyes. #2 and #5 are amazing!!! http://t.co/MJOpDB0d - sp

[Alan Garner @TheAlanGarner_]

Saving a file as "asfaghasjasd" because you're too lazy to write a proper title.

[Alan Garner @TheAlanGarner_]

That's about as suspicious as a nun doing squats in a cucumber field.

[Alan Garner @TheAlanGarner_]

What does a Tennessee football fan do after they beat Alabama? Turn off the xbox and go to bed.

[Alan Garner @TheAlanGarner_]

Dear McDonald's, Thank you for not selling hot dogs. I don't think I could order a McWiener with a straight face.

[Alan Garner @TheAlanGarner_]

That mini heart attack you get when someone says "We need to talk"

[Alan Garner @TheAlanGarner_]

I got arrested for punching this guy at a new years party... When you hear an arab counting down from ten your instincts tend to kick in.

[Alan Garner @TheAlanGarner_]

Girls are magic. They can get wet without water, bleed without injury, and make boneless things hard!

[Alan Garner @TheAlanGarner_]

Girls, if a guy pauses a video game to text you back... marry him.

[Alan Garner @TheAlanGarner_]

I love my pet wussy. Retweet if you read that wrong.