Anti Dev

The Anti-Developer

[Anti Dev @TheAntiDev]

Modern programming languages allow you to use any words of any length when naming files. So why do we have 57 index.js files in the project?

[Anti Dev @TheAntiDev]

Let's use invisible delimiters said the inventor of YAML and no-one else ever.

[Anti Dev @TheAntiDev]

This system works 50% of the time 100% of the time.

[Anti Dev @TheAntiDev]

The irony of it being called SOAP and it being sooooo dirty.

[Anti Dev @TheAntiDev]

I'm now wearing a GoPro at work so I can capture all my best coding moments on video.

[Anti Dev @TheAntiDev]

Most of the developers I work with be like: "Hey guys I've got the solution working at last, I just need a problem to apply it to"

[Anti Dev @TheAntiDev]

Of course I can create some sweet CSS. But only if by 'CSS' you really mean: 'Cascading Shit Show'.

[Anti Dev @TheAntiDev]

They call it Eclipse because it 'eclipses' your system's resources. #Eclipse

[Anti Dev @TheAntiDev]

Like a JBoss !

[Anti Dev @TheAntiDev]

Oh goodie another JS NPM framework. Yarn is it? Yawn more like.

[Anti Dev @TheAntiDev]

Are you good at drawing boxes? You are? And arrows? Yes? Then, why not become a...........'technical architect'?

[Anti Dev @TheAntiDev]

NodeJS callbacks were invented because people were nostalgic for the BASIC GOTO paradigm

[Anti Dev @TheAntiDev]

And the network engineering olympics has started. The first event is cURLing......

[Anti Dev @TheAntiDev]

Everyone bleats about portability & re-creatable envs then ties up entire stack on AWS, the most bespoke non-portable platform imaginable.

[Anti Dev @TheAntiDev]

Scope Creep turned our Minimum Viable Product into a Maximum UnViable Product #agile

[Anti Dev @TheAntiDev]

Cucumber? Gherkin? I'll just have a sausage roll from Greggs please. #BDD #TDD #Agile

[Anti Dev @TheAntiDev]

I don't wanna RTFM. I'm just asking for the answer to my very specific issue to be on the first page of said manual.

[Anti Dev @TheAntiDev]

Want to breed resentment and ill-will throughout your software team? You do? Good, what you need is: Code Reviews !

[Anti Dev @TheAntiDev]

With all its weird symbols Perl looks just like hieroglyphics and by coincidence it was invented around the same time. #Perl

[Anti Dev @TheAntiDev]

Always remember Egon Spengler's urinal etiquette: "Never cross the streams" !