The Batman

You can’t please everyone all of the time. But you can beat the crap out of some people most of the time. Not affiliated with DC, Warner Brothers, Time Warner.

[The Batman @TheBatman_X]

Finally! A Verizon iPhone. Now maybe I can actually make CALLS while crippling manic circus clowns.

[The Batman @TheBatman_X]

We'll miss you, Jack Bauer. If you ever come out of exile, I've got a pair of green ankle shoes and a yellow cape waiting.

[The Batman @TheBatman_X]

When I get the flu, I don't stay in bed and watch TV. I go on patrol and cough in criminal's faces.

[The Batman @TheBatman_X]

By the way. That picture of Bane everyone is talking about? I took it. Right before I choked him out.

[The Batman @TheBatman_X]

Poison Ivy uses poison lipstick, so I use poison knuckle dusters. They poison you with compound fractures.

[The Batman @TheBatman_X]

Batmanned (Verb). To be set upon with terrifying force before you know what the hell hit you. "I just got Batmanned and can't feel my legs."

[The Batman @TheBatman_X]

Hey Nolan, congrats on Inception. Now that your little "dream movie" is done, time to get on to some real man business. BATman business.

[The Batman @TheBatman_X]

So, wait. Spider-Man is fighting Killer Croc in his next movie?

[The Batman @TheBatman_X]

My ward glide-kicked your honor student.

[The Batman @TheBatman_X]

Earth Day. You plant a tree. I plant a left hook in Riddler’s sternum. That “green” enough for you?

[The Batman @TheBatman_X]

"Where does he get those wonderful toys?" Well, I picked up the 1/8th scale fully articulated Dark Knight figure at the Hasbro booth.

[The Batman @TheBatman_X]

Happy Father’s Day. Screw you all.

[The Batman @TheBatman_X]

Want strong, healthy bones? Drink milk. Want to teach someone with strong, healthy bones a lesson? Drop him from the Batwing.

[The Batman @TheBatman_X]

Again Alfred, it's a STEALTH FIGHTER JET shaped like a BAT and I use it to fight common STREET CRIME. WHAT ABOUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE?!

[The Batman @TheBatman_X]

When did the Joker turn into the Penguin? Nice bowtie Jack.

[The Batman @TheBatman_X]

I tend not to burn bridges. But when I do, I exercise the nuclear option.

[The Batman @TheBatman_X]

You never saw me, but I was a cast member on Survivor. I won.

[The Batman @TheBatman_X]

Star Wars Blu-rays are out! I’m so excited I bought every copy in Gotham. And incinerated them.

[The Batman @TheBatman_X]

Hey Alfred, GREAT NEWS! I got two tickets to the England vs. Slovenia game. One for me, one for my cape. And I don't even like soccer!

[The Batman @TheBatman_X]

I will click on almost anything that has a picture of Batman on it.