The Cocky Writer

I write and stuff...

[The Cocky Writer @TheCockyWriter]

@amreekandesi As long as he doesn't Google the symptoms he should do just fine. ;^)

[The Cocky Writer @TheCockyWriter]

Meanwhile in Japan... https://t.co/kq8afgTbfg

[Speak Comedy @SpeakComedy]

meanwhile in Japan https://t.co/XEwjRXuAsV

[iCapricorn @Capricorn_F6]

#Capricorn know that they're above arguing with idiots but at the same time they love proving their point.

[The Cocky Writer @TheCockyWriter]

If you don't have anything nice to say, tweet it at 3 am instead. ;^)

[The Cocky Writer @TheCockyWriter]

Me: Send me pics
She: What do you wanna see? 😉😘😏
Me: #Spiderman!
She: WHAT??!
Me: You heard me.

[The Cocky Writer @TheCockyWriter]

Waitress: Sir, your card was declined
Me: You sound like my wife
Waitress: Hahaha!
Me: Hahaha!
Waitress: I'm calling the cops
😒 :^| #yudodis

[The Cocky Writer @TheCockyWriter]

Me: I can't help but feel like something's missing..
Cop: Your daughter Meg, that's why you called us.
Me: Oh shit yeah, that's right! #LOL

[The Cocky Writer @TheCockyWriter]

Doc: Do you exercise... workout?
Me: Ummm...well, I play #PokemonGo
*Doc writes "Virgin but Fit AF" on the clipboard*
#truestory ;^|

[The Cocky Writer @TheCockyWriter]

Word. https://t.co/T2qJuZrcNY

[PASO CASH @pasocash]

Stay single until someone actually complements your life in a way that makes it better not to be single. If not, it's not worth it.

[The Cocky Writer @TheCockyWriter]

Patient: I just feel like a whiny bitch with no friends. It's like nobody even cares..
Me: Did you read my mind or my notes?
#savage #asfuck

[MedievalReactionsIN @MedievalRxnsIN]

#MumbaiRains

[The Cocky Writer @TheCockyWriter]

Me: Sorry dad, I cudn't catch 'em all!
Dad (to mum): We've failed as parents
Mum: Shud've aborted the SOB when I had the chance #PokemonGo

[The Cocky Writer @TheCockyWriter]

Bwahahahaha! 😂 #PokemonGO #pokemon #charmeleon #charlizard #Charmander https://t.co/sDKiswiWfg

[Global Crypto Union | GCU @Glbcryptounion]

before vs. after she contours

[The Cocky Writer @TheCockyWriter]

* Random chick on #Tinder *
Her: I'm a gamer. Here to promote my app. Are you a gamer?
Me: Yeah. Kinda...I mean I do play with emotions.

[dean @deanfluence]

The Bachelor: a show about a guy dating multiple women at once, watched primarily by women who hate guys that date multiple women at once.

[The Cocky Writer @TheCockyWriter]

My Nbr: Turn off the music, it's 12am! Some of us have jobs!
Me: Change your tampon n go back to bed, you li'l bitch!
My Nbr: Pls carry on

[The Cocky Writer @TheCockyWriter]

Shelter dogs - Gotta adopt 'em all! :^D #PokemonGO #pokemon https://t.co/6mRp8kYqjm

[The Cocky Writer @TheCockyWriter]

Frnd: What's ur giraffe's name?
Me: I call her Martha
Frnd: Hey, that's my mum's name!
Me: Yeah! They both've tongue skills n deep throat(s)

[The Cocky Writer @TheCockyWriter]

Her: Y shud we hire you at the sperm bank?
Me: Well, I came on time...and I've cum three times since.
Her: *Holy shit he's good* U're hired!

[The Cocky Writer @TheCockyWriter]

Me: Damn, girl! Are you from Maine?
Her: Lol, no! Why?
Me: Cos you're the main reason we're leaving this bar right now!
#friday #night ;^)