Craig Shay

Cold Wrecks + Answering Machine

[Craig Shay @TheCraigShay]

I am picking Ron Funches for my Traitors fantasy team even though he blew it in that one roundtable. My loyalty to Ron Funches will not waiver.

[Craig Shay @TheCraigShay]

We were stranded at LaGuardia with no carseat and no plan. Everyone at Southwest blamed everyone else. Is Southwest unsafe for families with young children? This empty office is where we can pick up a loaner car seat

[Craig Shay @TheCraigShay]

Devastating news for my friend's dad

[Variety @Variety]

REO Speedwagon to Retire From Touring After 2024 Due to 'Irreconcilable Differences' https://t.co/MmWOB6EcmB

[Craig Shay @TheCraigShay]

The most realistic part of Star Trek is a bunch of guys falling in love with holodeck programs and requiring intervention

[Craig Shay @TheCraigShay]

I'm a simple man, I hear the FX sound and I assume we're watching What We Do In The Shadows

[Craig Shay @TheCraigShay]

Just walked into my yard to see a small spider trap a big wasp, the wasp kind of got away but fell to the ground, and then I turned around and there's a gosh darn praying mantis

[Craig Shay @TheCraigShay]

@JohnDeDomenici I got my fireplace to stop leaking. I do still have 6 home depot buckets in my garage.

[Craig Shay @TheCraigShay]

If you said "crypto bot" to me 20 years ago I'd assume you were talking about a robot bigfoot

[Craig Shay @TheCraigShay]

Dogs love to have a little towel to lay on

[Craig Shay @TheCraigShay]

Is there a word for when your dog begs you to go outside only to do gremlin stuff and not actually use the bathroom

[Craig Shay @TheCraigShay]

A good party in the suburbs is when there are deviled eggs

[Neil Renic @NC_Renic]

Indiana Jones spinoff about the grad student made to teach the rest of the semester with 45 minutes notice

[Craig Shay @TheCraigShay]

@BTnewsroom @KeiPritsker Lost in your narrative is whether or not this cure has worked for more than one person. That's a small sample size. What percentage of people does this cure work for? Is this cure available in China or anywhere else?

[Craig Shay @TheCraigShay]

@chrispernadrums @Knifethroatny I'm playing this show tonight and it's free!

[Craig Shay @TheCraigShay]

When someone says they're "floored" I have no idea what that means

[hate that i made u love meat🌈 @meatsical]

“Are you wearing the—“

“The snoots? Yeah yeah I am”

[Craig Shay @TheCraigShay]

Get to the gig tonight

[woolbright @woolbrightband]

QUEENS TONIGHT!!! Doors 7 @ Trans-Pecos 😈

[Craig Shay @TheCraigShay]

Can we make a new social media where people cannot have takes? But what would it be? A website where people can only quote season 2 of New Girl

[Craig Shay @TheCraigShay]

It's a @stavvybaby joke but I have been doing more religious stuff not because of spirituality but because it's cool to hang out with community centric people who don't want anything from you but conversation and participation

[Craig Shay @TheCraigShay]

In this era of social media there's this type of person who insists on being the loudest and most morally correct and the most annoying at all times and it's all completely devoid of humanity and I'm honestly sick of it