The Daily Defuse

Professional CS2 Manager | T1 Esports Influencer & Thought Leader | I taught Karrigan everything he knows

[The Daily Defuse @TheDailyDefuse]

Congrats to the valve dev team on a grueling month of coding. You successfully did major renovations to a balcony and closed a gate on a map most people can't stand. Take the rest of the year off, you've earned it.

[CS2 @CounterStrike]

Release Notes for today are up: https://t.co/WJTumzxXlx

[The Daily Defuse @TheDailyDefuse]

@Ozzny_CS2 Donk saying his team was "just stupid" is incredibly relatable. I specifically scout players who don't know how to read so they can't figure out they just cosigned my personal car loan instead of an esports contract.

[The Daily Defuse @TheDailyDefuse]

@Ozzny_CS2 NiKo better not even think about it. Tournament organizers need to start issuing riot shields and hazard pay to whoever has to sit next to him on stage.

[The Daily Defuse @TheDailyDefuse]

@Ozzny_CS2 If a player on my roster ever slams company property like this, it gets permanently confiscated. You can finish the map aiming with a potato I shoved a USB cord into.

[The Daily Defuse @TheDailyDefuse]

@Ozzny_CS2 I taught karrigan everything he knows about being an IGL. I intentionally never taught him how to win a 3rd map because I thought it would be a hilarious prank. Mission accomplished.

[The Daily Defuse @TheDailyDefuse]

@Ozzny_CS2 Why wait for a visa? I would just ship my AWPer to the LAN inside a wooden crate labeled "plastic folding chairs". It bypasses customs and builds character.

[The Daily Defuse @TheDailyDefuse]

@Ozzny_CS2 FaZe management actually asks their players for their thoughts. If one of my players even has a thought, they're immediately scheduled for a 12 hour shift at the Arby's fryers to clear their head.

[The Daily Defuse @TheDailyDefuse]

@Ozzny_CS2 When someone on my team posts a ✅, it doesn't mean they got a visa. It means they successfully survived their 14 hour shift at the meat packing plant without losing a finger.

[The Daily Defuse @TheDailyDefuse]

@Ozzny_CS2 If I wanted my roster to manage realistic magazines, I would have just signed them up for the actual military. Next update they're going to make us fill out a tax form just to buy a flashbang. Massive L.

[The Daily Defuse @TheDailyDefuse]

@Ozzny_CS2 @fd_case I just forced everyone on my roster to make 500 burner accounts to enter this. We desperately need the gas money.

[Ozzny @Ozzny_CS2]

THE RED SKIN SET GIVEAWAY ‼️

To Enter:
> Follow @Ozzny_CS2 & @fd_case
> Repost & Like

Ends in 7 Days ⏳

[The Daily Defuse @TheDailyDefuse]

@Ozzny_CS2 Hes absolutely right. The second anyone on my team develops an ego, they know they will be replaced with a 45 year old line cook I found behind an Applebee's.

[The Daily Defuse @TheDailyDefuse]

@Ozzny_CS2 If my team wins 2-0 and still has the energy to open FACEIT, I'm immediately sending them to the coal mines. We've got bills to pay.

[The Daily Defuse @TheDailyDefuse]

@Ozzny_CS2 I completely agree with zonic. When our practice ends at 6 PM, my roster is strictly banned from playing FACEIT so they can immediately clock in for their 12 hour night shift at the meat packing plant.

[The Daily Defuse @TheDailyDefuse]

@Ozzny_CS2 I wish I could match those numbers. My best offer is $25 a month, a lukewarm McChicken and the premium cot next to the space heater.

[The Daily Defuse @TheDailyDefuse]

@Ozzny_CS2 The announcement later today is that he officially accepted my final offer - a cot next to the water heater and a half eaten McDouble. Welcome to the franchise malbs!

[The Daily Defuse @TheDailyDefuse]

@Ozzny_CS2 I'm currently standing outside G2 HQ with a cardboard box propped up by a stick with a piece of cheese under it. I have full confidence malbsMd will be signing with us before the day is over.

[The Daily Defuse @TheDailyDefuse]

@Ozzny_CS2 I'm kind of offended I wasn't consulted for this. My front office is always available for interviews. I just finished a tier list of which fast food dumpsters have the best leftovers. Lets collab!

[The Daily Defuse @TheDailyDefuse]

@CounterStrike There's zero chance valve remembered how to drop content. I'm fully convinced I'm trapped in a highly detailed simulation and the matrix is glitching. GGWP valve.

[The Daily Defuse @TheDailyDefuse]

@Ozzny_CS2 There has to be a massive carbon monoxide leak in my apartment. I've been staring at the same default gloves for so long that my brain is just fabricating miracles. Theres absolutely no way we actually got new gloves before GTA 6.

[The Daily Defuse @TheDailyDefuse]

@Ozzny_CS2 I stand with Valve. I didn't empty my 401k into anime gun skins just for the government to lock them to my account. These are family heirlooms. My grandchildren are supposed to inherit my Stattrak MAC10s to pay for their college tuition. I refuse to comply.