The Filbert

Oregon's second-leading source for satire and hazelnut news. Since 1859.

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REPORT: Oregon Muslim community "taking the rest of the decade off work" to make up for hundreds of times they’ve been called terrorists by Republican voters #orpol #orleg

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"There is nothing that could bring me back to Salem and provide a vote to grant the super-majority quorum in light of their members comparing Republicans to terrorists," said Sen. Kim Thatcher, adding if GOP demands aren't met, one Democratic bill will die per hour, on the hour.

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Oregon Senate Republicans using burner phones to evade authorities whose lives they've threatened while playing footsie with armed militia groups outraged at Democratic senators’ increasingly heated rhetoric #orpol #orleg

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REPORT: Oregon Senate Republicans propose replacing cap and trade with new “Dine and Dash” policy #orpol #orleg

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Senate president Peter Courtney lauds “return to bipartisanship” after sudden influx of Evites to GOP senators' poker nights #orpol #orleg

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Blazers announce Bill Schonely to be publicly executed amid still-smoking rubble of Memorial Coliseum to kick off Fan Fast '16

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#Portland mayor Charlie Hales wonders aloud how much a LinkedIn Premium account & "an acre or two in Camas" costs these days

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Mayoral candidate Ted Wheeler "really looking forward" to taking ride on "the Trimax" all of #Portland "seems to be talking about"

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Mayoral race between two middle-aged white guys about as exciting as footrace between two middle-aged white guys. #Portland #pdxmayor #orpol

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"Those #ShellNo protestors accomplished nothing!" sneers Portland man who spent most of last weekend playing cornhole at beer festival

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LaMarcus Aldridge beating heat by getting out of town for rest of life #RipCity

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“Great, now what am I going to do with all these extra ribs?” wonders Damian Lillard before annual Fourth of July team BBQ #RipCity

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REPORT: Aldridge cites "that whole Burnside 26 thing" as main reason for leaving Portland. #RipCity

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Novick proposes “Street Fee” to re-pave Aldridge’s driveway w/ legal weed in last-ditch effort to keep All-Star in Portland #RipCity #StayLA

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“So, can I like, smoke a bowl here now?” wonders TriMet driver at start of shift #legalpot #Oregon

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Portland man's first legal wake-and-bake celebrated with ceremonial third Pop-Tart #legalpot #Oregon #PopTarts

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Troutdale schlub announces plan to beat the heat by avoiding strenuous activity for rest of life

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Astoria mayor proposes border fence to deter heat-stricken Portlanders

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.@ORFamilyCouncil seeks new basic human right to trample after #SCOTUS decision

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BREAKING: Straight couple’s marriage in no way affected whatsoever by #SCOTUS ruling