The Fratty Guard

[The Fratty Guard @TheFrattyGuard]

I spoke to @SenMcConnell this morning. He said pee is stored in the balls

[The Fratty Guard @TheFrattyGuard]

low key if you’re not a veteran you’re not allowed to celebrate the FOJ

[The Fratty Guard @TheFrattyGuard]

life after you go AWOL

[The Fratty Guard @TheFrattyGuard]

*takes out Invisalign*

CROSSLOAD AMMO THEYRE GOING TO HIT US AGAIN

[The Fratty Guard @TheFrattyGuard]

on a serious note, this month I began my annual volunteer work with Hands Across America.

evey summer I visit S-1 shops across the country and run fades on them entirely out of my own pocket

[The Fratty Guard @TheFrattyGuard]

anyone running beef tallow on their weiner?

[The Fratty Guard @TheFrattyGuard]

had a terrible nightmare last night that AI didn’t take my job

[The Fratty Guard @TheFrattyGuard]

if you're not happy single, you won't be happy in a relationship.

true happiness comes from increasing lethality, upholding the standard, and hunting the good stuff.

[The Fratty Guard @TheFrattyGuard]

took the afternoon off. Perhaps I’ll catch a matinee and rub one out in the theater

[The Fratty Guard @TheFrattyGuard]

Get yourself an officer that says things like:

- Please enquire agayne in a fortnight
- I must check my sched-jewel
- I shan’t release the men until dusk
- Have you seen mine vitimins?
- I require individual quarters for mine privicy
- Betwixt

[The Fratty Guard @TheFrattyGuard]

proud to announce i am working with Congress to ban all seashells

[The Fratty Guard @TheFrattyGuard]

By age 35 you should:

1. Be retired from a tier 1 unit
2. Be a VC
3. Be retarded
4. Have over $7,000
5. Have a shitty podcast
6. Learn Yoni massage
7. Run for Congress

[The Fratty Guard @TheFrattyGuard]

@lance_corporate this is blatant antireservatism™️

[The Fratty Guard @TheFrattyGuard]

imagine stealing Captain Chadwick’s sacrilege valor smdh

[The Fratty Guard @TheFrattyGuard]

nice try

[The Fratty Guard @TheFrattyGuard]

soldier: sir, the media has picked up the story of your heroics here in Iran

They’re calling you “the straight of Hormuz”

[The Fratty Guard @TheFrattyGuard]

me after shooting myself in the dick and not bleeding out

[The Fratty Guard @TheFrattyGuard]

how tf Jesus gonna be a Jew smdh

[The Fratty Guard @TheFrattyGuard]

@Daredevil I like to think he went blind from jacking off too much