The Hum

Practical guidance for self-organising teams. Collaboration training and advice:

[Richard D. Bartlett @RichDecibels]

leadership problems magically solved when you remember that every adult carries a helpless infant inside them

there’s one experience that is shared by all people without exception: you were born a helpless infant totally dependent on other people to take care of you

they had capabilities you lacked, and they had the power to give or withhold the care you needed to survive

the state of being a dependant infant is completely universal. therefore, whenever we are in a complex social situation with multiple people, the “parent-child dynamic” is one of the stable patterns that we all know is available. it’s not the only schelling point but it is the most obvious one

so. any discussion of leadership, group dynamics, authority, self-responsibility, agency, hierarchy, consent, power, community etc etc etc must take this into consideration

as this relates to leadership, there are 2 main failure modes

as a leader, you can lean into this dynamic and treat everyone as your inferior. continuously assert the specialness of your role, withhold information, limit other people’s agency, make choices on their behalf, keep making them small so you can enjoy the feeling of being big

OR you can fail in the other direction. pretend this dynamic doesn’t exist. pretend that everyone has equal power to choose what’s right for them. pretend that you don’t have a unique capacity to influence everyone’s experience

the balance point between these two poles is messy & nuanced

for example. if I am hosting an event with a bunch of people meeting each other for the first time, I know that pretty soon some people are going to start feeling left out

as a leader, I can pretend I don’t have a role to play in this. hey we’re all responsible for our own experience. you need to work with those feelings and build some courage. stop alienating yourself. stop alienating yourself

or I can attempt to micro-manage and choreograph every interaction so nobody ever has any bad feelings, thereby squeezing all the life out of the event

too much intervention from the leaders is cringe, too little intervention is neglect. and everyone has a different preference! how much should I intervene? it depends!

ideally, we can learn to relate to each other as equal adults. but I don’t think we ever completely leave the parent-child dynamic behind. your “helpless infant” conditioning is imprinted right down in the lowest parts of your developmental stack

as a leader, I think the best I can do is to stay awake, to notice when you’re parentifying me or when I’m treating you as a child, and call attention to it so we can side-step out of it. we can create systems that keep pulling us back up on to equal footing. we can create a culture where triggers are a source of mutual curiosity instead of alarm or withdrawal.

[The Hum @TheHum_Team]

✅ Builds genuine self-awareness
✅ Reduces defensiveness
✅ Creates real dialogue
✅ Feels authentic
✅ Opens up space for growth 🌱

You can read my full rant 😅 here: https://t.co/Qfio6URsOK

[The Hum @TheHum_Team]

Every time I see a workshop slide teaching the "feedback sandwich”… a little part of me dies 😖

It sounds simple: Compliment> Critique> Compliment

But not only does it not work, it’s quietly sabotaging your culture. Here’s why👇

[The Hum @TheHum_Team]

What’s better? Start with self-reflection! 💭

Ask: What do you think went well? > What felt challenging? > What can you change?

THEN offer your reflection on top of theirs (with consent).

👉 It’s called the Pendleton Method, and I love it.

[The Hum @TheHum_Team]

what is something you find easy now that used to be hard?

[The Hum @TheHum_Team]

we’re wrapping up the year with 10 days of reflection. each weekday we’ll add questions here for you to reflect on the past year and set your goals for the year ahead ✏️ we’re very curious to hear your answers! 👀 let's go -->

[The Hum @TheHum_Team]

what is the biggest obstacle you overcame this year?

[The Hum @TheHum_Team]

Another chance to join the dojo! 🥋
Practice standing up for yourself, navigating conflicts skillfully, & asking for what you want.
Watch this powerful testimonial & join the 5th edition of 'Fight Wise: Find Your Backbone' starting Jan 7th.
Register👉 https://t.co/N3HBXLQcOX

[Richard D. Bartlett @RichDecibels]

it’s actually insane how much benefit people are getting from this Fight Wise training. next cohort starts Jan 7

[The Hum @TheHum_Team]

Join us for our group program, starting Jan 30th:

In Good Company
A Coaching Group for People Holding Power with Integrity

https://t.co/MYWg2IKv6Z

[The Hum @TheHum_Team]

Taking responsibility to lead so that others can act in the face of uncertainty is a great service, and it’s also a challenging role to take in today’s world.

Join @RichDecibels, @ames_for_joy & @GronerJonas
live talk about collaborative leadership👇

https://t.co/cmSLxWbkT0

[The Hum @TheHum_Team]

In case you missed it yesterday, you can catch this juicy conversation here:
https://t.co/7nPENbi0Jh

[The Hum @TheHum_Team]

Yesterday we had an amazing first session for the Mediation Skills for Collaborative Teams course.
Below are some of the reflections participants shared at the end of the call 👏
The door is still open if you want to hop in to the upcoming sessions 👉 https://t.co/Ojpsltqwcs

[Jocelyn @ames_for_joy]

Comments from today's course kick off seem important to me:
"Mediation isn't actually so scary"
"I realised I already mediate - I just didn't know it"
We all have the capacity to turn a conversation from reactivity to relationality.
Mediation isn't a job title - it's a life skill

[The Hum @TheHum_Team]

Happening Today! Don’t miss out!

Join us for a participatory 90-minute session to explore your own and your team’s relationship with conflict, and learn how to foster a more conflict-responsive way of working together.

This session is FREE!
RSVP👇
https://t.co/CVVCXhzceD

[The Hum @TheHum_Team]

Excited for the next round of @ames_for_joy's mediation skills course!

Join a FREE taster session next Monday Nov 18, to get a taste of what it’s all about! https://t.co/CVVCXhzceD

Ready for the full journey? Sign up for the complete course here: https://t.co/Ojpsltqwcs

[Jocelyn @ames_for_joy]

The last year has brought big developments into my conflict transformation skills, so I'm *popping* to kick off my next mediation skills course next week.

Session 1 is a FREE taster session - hmu if you want the link! [18:00 - 19:30 CET, Mon 18 Nov] 🔥