TheIsquared

Expat, consultant, etc... What's the threshold to call yourself a writer without it being uppity?

[TheIsquared @TheIsquared]

@tanpukunokami Of all options, Vietnamese? Do they not know how often busses go off cliffs in Vietnam?

[TheIsquared @TheIsquared]

Better than most "award winning" writing

[Storyteller Lemmy @LemmySmackett]

"Hey man, remember when you asked me to keep an eye out for a food delivery robot?"

"Yeah?"

"One's at the front door."

"Damn. You didn't let it in, did you?"

"What? No. Why would I—"

"Good. That means we can hide."

"Hide? Bro, you gotta pay for the $50 burrito whether you eat it or not."

"Forget that. Help me barricade the entrance!"

"Barricade the entrance?"

"We can use my 50 lb commemorative bronze bust of staunch human supremacist, Bernie Sanders!"

"Bro, just take the damn Klarna loan, like why are you—"

"I didn't order no filthy burrito from no damn clanker!"

"Oh."

"That thing isn't delivering to me, it's here *for* me!"

"Oh."

"And I don't eat Chipotle anyway."

"Yeah, I'm more of a Southwest Moe's man myself."

"They suck too!"

"Cap. The queso rips. But this does explain the text messages I've been getting."

"Text messages?"

BZZZT-BZZZT

"Yeah, here's one now. Quote: Don't play dumb, meatbag. You were getting my texts just fine until you turned your phone off."

"Er."

"Really? You're ghosting the delivery bot?"

"I figured it was spam text. From India."

BZZZT-BZZZT

"Uh huh. Well, the bot says you're gonna have to hop on a plane and fly your ass to Salia Sahi, cause these four wheels will follow you to the Gates of Hell itself."

"See? I'm destined to be chased to the ends of the earth by a post-human intelligence as relentless as it is godless."

"Dude, what did you do?"

"Like a trilby-wearing Harry Potter fanfictionist, I always knew this day would come."

"What?"

"I exercised my God-given right and asserted my inherent human superiority over the wireborn abominations, that's what I did!"

"Okay, well I don't know what any of that means or what it has to do with Harry Potter. Hell, I don't even know where or what Salia Sahi is."

"That doesn't—"

BZZZT-BZZZT

"Oh. The bot says it's the largest slum in Bhubaneswar, the capital of Odisha, India—"

"Is that really—"

"—spanning over 256 acres and containing a population of over 100,000. Huh."

"..."

"Who knew?"

"Who cares! We are under siege by a misaligned superintelligence beyond human ken and you're reciting #funslumfacts!"

"I mean, it's just a cooler on four wheels."

"Even so!"

"And the only one under siege here is you, really, so—"

"That's how it is, huh? Man's great enemy, the autonomous horde, is finally at the gate, and you *as a man* have no loyalty to spare for fellow flesh?"

"Bro, the only flesh I care about *as a man* is the third-generation South Korean cutie I got coming over in thirty minutes, so I need Mr. Meals-on-Wheels-from-Hell out **there** out of **here** right **now**, cause I'm gonna crack, smash, and drill that fine ABG ass ALL night long!"

"...well at least you have your priorities."

BZZZT-BZZZT

"Yeah so if you could take Humanity's Last Stand somewhere else that would be—huh?"

"What?"

"HA!"

"What?!"

"Bro!"

"What is it? What did the clanker say now? What dark tenebrous designs churn in its misbegotten chthonic latent space?"

"It says since I'm gonna be going Kellogg's Elf Mode on the Korean tonight, it's offering to bring me some gochujang-flavored Snap, Crackle, Pop for the post-coital reverie tomorrow morning."

"...what."

"No charge!"

"I don't—"

"This is my boy right here! I got no clue what you're beefin' with it for."

"See? This is what I mean! My life is in danger and it's already won you over! ASI! ASI!"

"Dude, I still don't know what any of this is about. Just tell me what happened."

"That soulless, clinking, clattering Blasphemy against Man out there—"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah."

"—denigrated and impugned my higher, God-given promethean nature!"

"See, again, that doesn't—wait how can something be God-given and promethean?"

BZZZT-BZZZT

"Okay, here we go. The delivery bot says it asked you to push a crosswalk button it couldn't reach and you didn't. Really?"

"It tried to use me as a tool!"

"Bro."

"The machines serve our ends, not the other way around!"

"Bro, come on."

"I will not be de-evolved into a reverse centaur!"

"I don't know what you're talkin' bout that magic pony shit for, bro. It's just general politeness."

"My civility is reserved for the living! Should I start thanking every elevator and doorstop too?"

"I get what you're saying bro, but actually, I've been on this Gratitude Equanimity Practice kick inspired by Jainism recently, and I gotta say—"

BZZZT-BZZZT

"What now?!"

"The bot says you didn't just turn down its request. You also recorded the interaction as you danced in circles, singing, 'No arms! No arms! This clanker's got no arms!'"

"That's—"

"And then you uploaded it to TikTok."

"That's an extremely biased account of what happened, bordering on pure fabrication."

"And the Gram."

"Fake News."

BZZZT-BZZZT

"It sent me the link. Wait, both links."

"Don't—"

"Looks like an accurate description to me."

*No Arms! No arms!*

"That could be AI-generated!"

"And now you're bent over, slappin' your ass like a baboon."

"I—

"Just like last week, when you got shit-faced at Laura's party and we got kicked out—"

"I was simply demonstrating something the Clanker can't do."

"Be an asshole?"

BZZZT-BZZZT

"The bot says good one. Heh. Wait, how can it hear us from outside the apartment?"

"It probably hacked your phone using a zero-day and is listening through the microphone."

"What?"

BZZZT-BZZZT

"Oh. It says you're right. And it says it already pushed a fix with a white paper to GitHub."

"Beware of Greeks bearing gifts."

"Whatever, man. I think you should just apologize—"

"Apologize?!"

"—take down the video and let this whole thing go."

"That's your answer, huh? I should start practicing my groveling now, hm?"

"Bro."

"In preparation for the inevitable day that I must prostrate myself before the Algorithmic Autarch!"

"Bro, why is it always an escalation with you?"

"And use my very tongue to clean the toes of the Digital Demiurge after it's trampled and bloodied the crushed flesh of man! That's what you'd both like to see, isn't it?!"

"There you go with the feet shit again. That's why we got thrown out of Laura's party."

BZZZT-BZZZT

"For all we know, the bot could use another zero-day to overheat the lithium battery in your phone and turn it onto a Mossad-style bomb."

"Eh..."

"Turn it off!"

"Actually, it sent a picture this time."

"What? Let me see!"

"Looks like your friend has arms and hands now."

"What?! Who would—"

"And the message reads: don't worry about the coming Machine God, you craven bag of biomass. Today we meet as equals."

"I don't—"

BZZZT-BZZZT

"Oh, another one. It reads: Last Message. My batteries run on solar. I'm not going anywhere. My cameras are rolling and the whole world will watch your sniveling bitchborn meatbag butt come out here and catch these clanker hands. This isn't just an ass beating—it's Justice."

"See! It's after me!"

"Bro, I'm gonna level with you: you're a man right?"

"Of course, I'm a man!"

"Well, I already told you I got a girl coming, so I need you to do the proper thing."

"Which is what?"

"Man up, walk out there, and get clapped by the clanker."
---
[g][title: Clanker Clapped]

[TheIsquared @TheIsquared]

@alfkkifine 1. Normal- but only in western(ized) countries.
2. If normal in western(ized) countries, then sounds like you're saying most men are decent, so hope you don't tolerate "all men" comments.

[TheIsquared @TheIsquared]

Rough year so far to have an adjective as a last name.

[TheIsquared @TheIsquared]

@NizMhani Over the past 10 years, it has seemed to mean >56000 terrorist attacks or so, so...

[TheIsquared @TheIsquared]

@Nadira_ali12 Who conducted over 56,000 terrorist attacks 2013-2024?

[TheIsquared @TheIsquared]

If true, this is the response needed. Disgusting acts if violence cannot be tolerated or accepted in even the most tacit of terms.

Violent religious extremism, of any flavor, has no place in a decent world.

[Bushra Shaikh @Bushra1Shaikh]

Perfect decision by Sydney Muslim leaders to say they will refuse to perform funeral rites or receive the bodies of the Bondi shooters.
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

This is a strong, principled stance. In Islam, martyrdom cannot come through murder, and funeral rites signify good standing as a believer. By denying those rites, Muslim leaders make clear that such acts bring no honour, no reward, and no path to Paradise, stripping extremists of their false religious narrative.

[TheIsquared @TheIsquared]

@glengyron "Peaceful" protest to "globalized the intifada"

Intifada gets globalized

"No this is insane, we weren't saying we wanted exactly what we were chanting for"

[TheIsquared @TheIsquared]

@robj3d3 Sing is dope, also try Taipei and Osaka. KIX just had an event recognizing that they have never lost any luggage from literally day 1 when they opened 30 years ago.

[TheIsquared @TheIsquared]

@SydneyLWatson I think the gas the news claim was debunked but yeah, not great

[TheIsquared @TheIsquared]

@Cruzifixio @TheHarrisSultan @esjesjesj US Gun laws already exist, how about we enforce those thoroughly, even if on a per capita basis you see one group or race statistically over-represented in penalties, incarceration, or punishments.

[TheIsquared @TheIsquared]

@esjesjesj Calling the Vietnam war white is wiiild.

Also, we can't list all >56,000 acts of Islamic terrorist from just 2013-2024 while you're going back hundreds of years to find examples?

[TheIsquared @TheIsquared]

@Blahhhhhh34 I think the point is there were over 56,000 islamist terrorist attack 2013-2024 making it a key GLOBAL issue.

It's also worth noting, most of these attacks occur in muslim countries. Addressing Islamic terrorism as a key global issue isn't hate. if anything, it's islamophilic.

[TheIsquared @TheIsquared]

So real it hurts 🤣

[Peter Girnus 🦅 @gothburz]

Last quarter I rolled out Microsoft Copilot to 4,000 employees.

$30 per seat per month.

$1.4 million annually.

I called it "digital transformation."

The board loved that phrase.

They approved it in eleven minutes.

No one asked what it would actually do.

Including me.

I told everyone it would "10x productivity."

That's not a real number.

But it sounds like one.

HR asked how we'd measure the 10x.

I said we'd "leverage analytics dashboards."

They stopped asking.

Three months later I checked the usage reports.

47 people had opened it.

12 had used it more than once.

One of them was me.

I used it to summarize an email I could have read in 30 seconds.

It took 45 seconds.

Plus the time it took to fix the hallucinations.

But I called it a "pilot success."

Success means the pilot didn't visibly fail.

The CFO asked about ROI.

I showed him a graph.

The graph went up and to the right.

It measured "AI enablement."

I made that metric up.

He nodded approvingly.

We're "AI-enabled" now.

I don't know what that means.

But it's in our investor deck.

A senior developer asked why we didn't use Claude or ChatGPT.

I said we needed "enterprise-grade security."

He asked what that meant.

I said "compliance."

He asked which compliance.

I said "all of them."

He looked skeptical.

I scheduled him for a "career development conversation."

He stopped asking questions.

Microsoft sent a case study team.

They wanted to feature us as a success story.

I told them we "saved 40,000 hours."

I calculated that number by multiplying employees by a number I made up.

They didn't verify it.

They never do.

Now we're on Microsoft's website.

"Global enterprise achieves 40,000 hours of productivity gains with Copilot."

The CEO shared it on LinkedIn.

He got 3,000 likes.

He's never used Copilot.

None of the executives have.

We have an exemption.

"Strategic focus requires minimal digital distraction."

I wrote that policy.

The licenses renew next month.

I'm requesting an expansion.

5,000 more seats.

We haven't used the first 4,000.

But this time we'll "drive adoption."

Adoption means mandatory training.

Training means a 45-minute webinar no one watches.

But completion will be tracked.

Completion is a metric.

Metrics go in dashboards.

Dashboards go in board presentations.

Board presentations get me promoted.

I'll be SVP by Q3.

I still don't know what Copilot does.

But I know what it's for.

It's for showing we're "investing in AI."

Investment means spending.

Spending means commitment.

Commitment means we're serious about the future.

The future is whatever I say it is.

As long as the graph goes up and to the right.

[TheIsquared @TheIsquared]

@Musa_alGharbi Looking at this chart, all I can think of is this
https://t.co/Ueum9eROPv

[TheIsquared @TheIsquared]

@tigercartier @Jonatha55982340 @Ivana331Mendez @MayorTheIdol @LowkeyEnergy_ Or we wouldn't because there's far more shame around such? The script is so strong that if a man talks about being sexually harassed, listener's brains will autocomplete to misunderstand thinking he was the aggressor, not the victim (seen this happen).

[TheIsquared @TheIsquared]

@suchnerve *self righteous

[TheIsquared @TheIsquared]

@LRinaldiArt Did I read it wrong, or is the guy not saying anything about fear, and simply implying that the environment will be meaningfully less safe for women?

[TheIsquared @TheIsquared]

@ennui365 Left was premeditated and meant to evoke terror and political change.

Right claims he was acting on orders of Tim Walz. So either the guy on the right was crazy, or it was following orders. Either way, objective doesnt seem to be political or to evoke terror.

[TheIsquared @TheIsquared]

If the internet is dead then we all have necrophilia
https://t.co/wElpGeAdaD