Jason Offutt. I write, and stuff.

My brain's like the game "Candy Land," mixed with the works of H.P. Lovecraft, put in a snow globe, and shaken in a paint mixer. Buy my books.

[Jason Offutt. I write, and stuff. @TheJasonOffutt]

I know we're not supposed to look at Goodreads, but...

[Jason Offutt. I write, and stuff. @TheJasonOffutt]

@chefsevenn No. 1. The rest don't actually enjoy coffee, they enjoy whatever they put IN coffee.

[Jason Offutt. I write, and stuff. @TheJasonOffutt]

For anyone who missed my recent appearance on the X-Zone with Rob McConnell, here you go...
https://t.co/WuKuPjCbVi

[Jason Offutt. I write, and stuff. @TheJasonOffutt]

@difficultpatty Some people may criticize the egg. They are troglodytes.

[Jason Offutt. I write, and stuff. @TheJasonOffutt]

@RobertaFresque2 Nobody talks enough about Stevie Ray Vaughn.
https://t.co/PYrMvLyoz3

[Jason Offutt. I write, and stuff. @TheJasonOffutt]

1. This guy's a feckin' idiot.
2. He's obviously never watched the film, "The Gods Must Be Crazy."
https://t.co/Xm4ho5QHsA

[Jason Offutt. I write, and stuff. @TheJasonOffutt]

@TheDailyDraught It's delicious.

[Jason Offutt. I write, and stuff. @TheJasonOffutt]

@benonwine The Missouri General Assembly.

[Jason Offutt. I write, and stuff. @TheJasonOffutt]

@chefsevenn Too expensive.

[Jason Offutt. I write, and stuff. @TheJasonOffutt]

@zoyafatma12781 Cucumber, unless it's in pickle form.

[Jason Offutt. I write, and stuff. @TheJasonOffutt]

@BostonS55895135 @BarrySchust @td_nash Damn right they are.

[Jason Offutt. I write, and stuff. @TheJasonOffutt]

@Monica55dzrh Dead.

[Jason Offutt. I write, and stuff. @TheJasonOffutt]

@chefsevenn The Bud Light.

[Jason Offutt. I write, and stuff. @TheJasonOffutt]

@kat_maryb From The Rainmakers song "Drinking on the Job": The generation that would save the world is still looking for its car keys."

[Jason Offutt. I write, and stuff. @TheJasonOffutt]

@KhanSaba1278 Steve Martin has to be up there.

[Jason Offutt. I write, and stuff. @TheJasonOffutt]

@Nickyshearsby22 Not that I've noticed.

[Jason Offutt. I write, and stuff. @TheJasonOffutt]

@Avabelly__ Warren Zevon.

[Jason Offutt. I write, and stuff. @TheJasonOffutt]

@chefsevenn Who the FUCK would put ketchup on that?

[Jason Offutt. I write, and stuff. @TheJasonOffutt]

@Time4SumAxShun I still have mine, and it works.

[Jason Offutt. I write, and stuff. @TheJasonOffutt]

@_NoMercySports_ @uscfan981 I had an internship with a KC TV station when Bo signed with the Royals. I was at the press conference—he walked within inches of me. Later, I was a photographer around athletes like Derrick Thomas, Joe Montana, George Brett. No one. NO ONE carried the physical presence of Bo.