LiberalJesus

[LiberalJesus @TheLiberalJC]

So I can tweet during English class #WhyIWrite

[LiberalJesus @TheLiberalJC]

They call me a carpenter but I mostly let your girl work my wood #jesusstoleyourwoman

[LiberalJesus @TheLiberalJC]

The Holy Spirit isn't the only thing I'm endowed with #JesusPickUpLines

[LiberalJesus @TheLiberalJC]

One of the best. http://t.co/ikBWNqZzgB

[LiberalJesus @TheLiberalJC]

Once you realize that #earthquakes are God farts, the 1 in South America shouldn't be surprising. We all know what #Chile does to the colon.

[LiberalJesus @TheLiberalJC]

Every time my dad would walk in on me masturbating, he would shout "Jesus has come!" #OMD

[LiberalJesus @TheLiberalJC]

#tbt That time when I rose from the dead

[LiberalJesus @TheLiberalJC]

Pray something, I'm giving up on you.

[LiberalJesus @TheLiberalJC]

@GOPTeens is one of the most hilarious things I've ever seen, ever. And I'm 2,014 years old.

[LiberalJesus @TheLiberalJC]

You know what's one of my favorite things? When people give me credit for someone's success instead of his or her hard work and persistence

[LiberalJesus @TheLiberalJC]

Just woke up #nofilter

[LiberalJesus @TheLiberalJC]

I love you THIS much:

[LiberalJesus @TheLiberalJC]

Did you hear Easter is on 4:20 this year? I wouldn't mind some burnt offerings #blazeit

[LiberalJesus @TheLiberalJC]

I love me some microwave burritos. There's no punch line, I just do.

[LiberalJesus @TheLiberalJC]

That Mary Magdalene sure knows her way around a straw mat. #talkaboutasecondcoming

[LiberalJesus @TheLiberalJC]

If you let me inside you, you'll be screaming hallelujah all night #praisethelord

[LiberalJesus @TheLiberalJC]

Ok I know getting crucified sounds hard, but have you tried playing Flappy Bird?

[LiberalJesus @TheLiberalJC]

Gays are cool. Take that Dad.

[LiberalJesus @TheLiberalJC]

What did one Roman say to the other after putting me on the cross? "Nailed it!" #imdying

[LiberalJesus @TheLiberalJC]

This polar vortex finally seems to be dying down. It's about time dad. #OMD