Magical Moosehead

[Houston Astros @astros]

🚨🚨 this is not a drill 🚨🚨

RETWEET this by 4pm for a chance to win a pair of tickets to TONIGHT’s #WorldSeries game! #EarnHistory

[Houston Astros @astros]

🚨 surprise giveaway for the 🐐 🚨

RETWEET this by 12pm CT for a chance to win a @JoseAltuve27 signed bat!

#EarnHistory

[Mark Walter @copyrapper]

Best tweet/vine of ALL TIME! #sochi2014 #USA RT @bubbaprog: MERICA!!!! https://t.co/5ZlsdncHxU

[Jukebox the Ghost @JukeboxtheGhost]

Brooklyn Bowl for Halloween this Thursday!! Retweet for a chance to win tickets. @brooklynbowl http://t.co/cTZFruqNc7

[Magical Moosehead @TheMagicalMoose]

Really glad we have a definitive look at the Roaring '20s in Luhrmann's Gatsby before we re-enter the Roaring '20s of the 21st century.

[Magical Moosehead @TheMagicalMoose]

#AmexUNSTAGED

[Magical Moosehead @TheMagicalMoose]

Who wants to #fuck under the #northernlights tonight?

[Magical Moosehead @TheMagicalMoose]

FUCK RICE.

[ClutchFans @clutchfans]

Said Dikembe Mutombo today: "At the end of my journey, I see myself as a Rocket.'' http://t.co/owHXOZsj

[Magical Moosehead @TheMagicalMoose]

Pocahontas never rhetorically asked John Smith if he ever asked why the weeping willow weeps because of all the secret years of tree abuse.

[Magical Moosehead @TheMagicalMoose]

I want to illustrate "FUCK YOU, PAY ME" really bad right now. No one owes me money, but I think it's nice to have just in case.

[Magical Moosehead @TheMagicalMoose]

"Sup girl? Let's get inappropriate." This season's pick-up line.

[Magical Moosehead @TheMagicalMoose]

Are loft beds a turn-on for the ladies? Doing some research.

[Magical Moosehead @TheMagicalMoose]

"I think you cured my vertigo cause I'm falling in love with you. And I'm ok with that," said the guy who was about to have real nasty sex.

[Magical Moosehead @TheMagicalMoose]

My nipples are so hard right now because it's so fucking cold in this apartment...ladies... ;)

[Magical Moosehead @TheMagicalMoose]

Never trust an Asian girl with big boobs.

[Magical Moosehead @TheMagicalMoose]

"I menstrually checked out," said Jeanine, who actually mentally checked out.

[Magical Moosehead @TheMagicalMoose]

Just found extra room in my stomach after taking a massive, massive dump.

[Magical Moosehead @TheMagicalMoose]

Fuck you a billion.

[Magical Moosehead @TheMagicalMoose]

Your Saturday Halloween Weekend Pick-Up Line in case you run into a girl who looks like a doggie waste bag.