Stephanie Wheeler

mom of #3crazies ... I live where you vacation ... I tweet random thoughts

[Stephanie Wheeler @TheMainIceQueen]

Heart Of Glass - Hall Of Fame 2025 https://t.co/3GJZsDHDIa via @YouTube

[Stephanie Wheeler @TheMainIceQueen]

HOU x ASH
#ash #dancelife #stephaniewheelerpr

[Stephanie @UnSettledBlog]

From Guarded to Grounded: My Journey to Embracing My UnSettled Self:
Maybe it's the recent trip with my amazing girlfriends, or perhaps it's the deep introspection ignited by starting this UnSettled journey, but lately, I've been consumed by the idea of being my true self, regardless of external opinions.
So many of us put on a mask. We play a role. We dim our light to fit in, to please others, to avoid judgment. Why? What are we so afraid of? I strive to live transparently, to cultivate a thick skin, and to not let others' perceptions define me. Does it always work? Sometimes, the chatter still cuts through. But I make a valiant, daily effort to let it roll off.
Growing up with a parent in the public eye, there was always an unspoken expectation. My parents didn't demand perfection, but rather instilled in us the importance of being 'well-rounded individuals' – always aware that someone was watching, listening, perhaps even waiting for a 'slip-up' to feed their own insecurities. It’s a sad reality that some people thrive on judgment.
I recall being acutely aware of this scrutiny, especially during middle and high school. Isn't this a common theme for all of us? So many movies revolve around this very struggle: the agonizing pressure to be 'perfect' while battling crippling insecurity. It's this very insecurity that often fuels toxic behavior in others, and I was often on the receiving end.
My family was deeply rooted in sports, and while I loved athletics, my heart was always drawn to the arts, to dance and theater. My girlfriends and I would stage elaborate plays for our parents, even charging admission! But at school, we faced constant ridicule, teasing, and name-calling. It got so bad that my own father taught me how to properly make a fist, just in case I ever had to defend myself. I felt constantly stifled, unable to simply be myself.
As I got older, I became guarded, allowing only a select few into my inner circle. My sister and cousins were my closest friends. But when I became an adult, and then a mother, I made a conscious decision: I would no longer care what others thought of me. If someone wanted to look down on me or make fun, I adopted the mindset that it was their issue, not mine.
Now, I see my own daughter, entering high school, experiencing similar struggles. And I drill it into her head: 'It's not you, honey, it's them.' I'm immensely proud that she embraces her inner free spirit, her 'flower child' self, but it truly saddens me that she, like so many, has had to develop such thick skin just to be comfortable in her own. This common thread, these emotional scars, can follow us into adulthood. While many of us eventually 'outgrow' the worst of it, some carry that burden for years.
For me, letting down my walls has been a journey. I consider myself a 'cautious free-spirit' – a ridiculous oxymoron, perhaps, but it perfectly captures my essence. I have a small, cherished group with whom I'm completely at ease, where my true colors fly without hesitation. As I entered my 40s, I made a firm decision to live as transparently and authentically as possible. Not just as an example for my children, but as a commitment to myself.
If you don't like the 'real' me? Honestly, I don't really care anymore. I'm tired of constantly being politically correct, of softening my edges. That’s a main reason why I started UnSettled – to champion the idea that it's okay to live outside your comfort zone. To be silly. To be unfiltered. Who cares what others think?
Since embracing this 'free' outlook on life, I'm undeniably happier. I feel like I can finally breathe. Have some people distanced themselves? Yes. But I've come to realize those people weren't meant to be in my life anyway. They were 'hanger-ons,' drawn by association with my family, not by genuine connection.

Con’t in comments

[Stephanie Wheeler @TheMainIceQueen]

Standing #ovation in the 954!
#dance #stephaniewheelerpr #dancemom

[Stephanie @UnSettledBlog]

For me, that monthly facial is $1400 a year – very similar to the cost of year-round nail maintenance. I’ve supported the same amazing esthetician for years. When I budget, I consciously set aside that hour and cost for myself. And I don't feel guilty. I don't allow others to make me feel bad for taking care of myself. You get one body in this life; it's your temple, and it deserves to be cared for.
Regardless of whether you can afford a spa or salon, you need to take time for yourself. I often see the quote: "Don’t forget to put yourself on your list of things to take care of this week." This resonates deeply because, as busy women, we perpetually put ourselves at the very bottom of that list – if we make the list at all. When did we stop prioritizing ourselves? My personal rationale is simple: if I'm not operating at my best, then no one in my family is.
I'm often told I seem peaceful and calm. Honestly, I think I have everyone fooled! In reality, I'm like a duck: smooth on top of the water, but my feet are constantly kicking. My secret? I purposefully carve out time for myself every single day. Whether it's five minutes of meditation or a thirty-minute bubble bath, that time is sacred and I need it
And I'm extending that invitation to you. Your homework for this week, UnSettled readers, is to consciously carve out time for yourself, every single day. Take a walk, soak in the bath, give yourself a facial, or simply find a peaceful place to sit, be still, and shut out the noise. Dedicate that time to you. I am confident you will notice a shift, even if subtle. It's time to make yourself a priority, because regardless of your situation, you deserve to love yourself more.
YOU ARE WORTH IT.

#SelfCare #ChooseYourself #PrioritizeYourself #NoGuilt #UnSettled #MomLife #WomenEmpowerment #MentalWellness #YouAreWorthIt #AuthenticLiving #SelfLoveJourney #BreakTheCycle #DailySelfCare #TimeForYou #InnerPeace
#Wellbeing #SelfLove #PersonalGrowth

[Stephanie @UnSettledBlog]

Why Do We Apologize for Self-Care? It's Time to Choose YOU.

People often ask me about my skin. Greek genetics and a Mediterranean diet certainly play their part, but there's one habit I believe has made the biggest impact: ever since I turned 30, I've treated myself to a monthly facial.
The reaction I often get? 'Oh, that must be nice. Not everyone can afford that.'
And I totally get it. At first glance, a monthly facial might seem like a luxury. But when I look at the cost of maintaining nails, hair coloring, or even certain gym memberships, the price difference often isn't as vast as we imagine. I don't get regular mani/pedis (in fact, until recently my last manicure was almost two years ago!). It’s not that I don’t enjoy pampering myself – I absolutely do – but I'm mindful of both time and money. I budget a specific amount each month, and I consistently choose my face. It's the first thing people see, and for me personally, it's a commitment to long-term self-care, naturally and gracefully. I'm have not dove into Botox or fillers; my goal is authentic aging.
But there’s a deeper reason why that 'must be nice' response bothers me. Why, instead of a simple compliment, must there be a subtle dig? Why do we, as women, hesitate to celebrate self-care and choose ourselves more often?
Think back to our younger years. Most of us cherished 'girly spa days' or 'spa slumber parties' with friends – face masks, hair treatments, doing each other's nails. I watch my own daughter do the same now (though social media has her far more advanced in the art of self-care than I ever was!). And here's the thing: you don't need a fancy spa or big bucks. There are countless at-home treatments that are much lighter on the wallet.
So, is the real issue just finding the time for ourselves? I know we moms have overflowing plates. Even women without kids, juggling demanding careers, often relegate self-care to the bottom of the list. Time and money are valid concerns, yes, but I still wonder: is there another, unspoken reason for this hesitation?
Is it the fear of being seen as selfish? Or worse, the subtle (or not-so-subtle) resistance from partners when we decide to put ourselves first? I’ve watched friends get married, have children, and in their effort to 'do it all,' seemingly 'let themselves go.' Then, when they finally try to 'get themselves back,' they face resistance. Sometimes, this cycle tragically ends in divorce, with an ex suddenly 'shacking up' with a new partner who 'always looks perfect' and clearly prioritizes self-care. I believe this cycle is far more common than we admit, and it's a cycle that absolutely must be broken.
I look at my daughter and her friends, and I love their interest in maintaining their well-being in a healthy way. Recently, I took my daughter for a special occasion manicure. A few weeks later, she wanted them redone, offering her own money. When the bill came, her eyes widened. A chunk of her Christmas money gone for two weeks of beautiful nails. This sparked a crucial conversation about self-care, cost, and the balance between DIY and professional services. We talked about budgeting and how to make her desired self-care sustainable.

Cont in comments

[Modern History @modernhistory]

Sequoia National Park in California

[Stephanie @UnSettledBlog]

How do we create a world where both energies are truly valued and celebrated for their unique contributions? A space where a man can express his strength and protective instincts without fear of being condemned, and where a woman can embrace her softness and receptivity without being perceived as weak or subservient. It’s about recognizing the inherent beauty and power in this natural polarity and celebrating the harmonious dance between these energies.
Let's reclaim the understanding that it's okay for a man to be masculine – to offer his strength and protection – and equally okay for a woman to be feminine – to receive that care and offer her own unique gifts of nurturing, intuition, and grace. It’s in this balanced exchange, this respectful interplay of giving and receiving, that relationships can truly flourish and individuals can feel fully seen and appreciated for who they are.
Now, I want to hear from you. What are your thoughts on the giving and receiving of energy in relationships? Do you think chivalry is outdated, or a timeless expression of genuine care? Share your perspective in the comments!
#FeminineEnergy #MasculineEnergy #ChivalryIsNotDead #RelationshipDynamics #EnergyExchange #GenderRoles #Authenticity #Balance #Unsettled

[Stephanie @UnSettledBlog]

Embrace Your Softness: Why Feminine Energy is a Superpower (and Chivalry Isn't Toxic)
This morning, as I savored my coffee in quiet contemplation, my thoughts drifted to the fascinating, often misunderstood, dance between men and women – specifically, the currents of masculine and feminine energy. I truly believe that energy permeates everything around us, a subtle yet powerful force shaping our interactions and experiences. It’s this underlying vibration that makes us 'click' with some individuals and, at times, clash with others. This led me to ponder the distinct ways these energies manifest and are expressed within our relationships.
As women, we undeniably possess the strength and capability to tap into our masculine energy. We can be assertive, driven, and take charge. Those who know me personally can vouch for my tendency to lean into this more often than I'd like. I'm a self-proclaimed 'one-woman show,' a habit I'm actively working to soften, as I rarely ask for help (a challenging but necessary personal growth area).
However, beneath that independent exterior lies a deep-seated part of me that genuinely delights in embodying my feminine spirit – in softness, receptivity, and grace. Despite my strong opinions and fiercely independent soul, there's a profound appreciation for the simple gestures of traditional chivalry. There’s a warmth in a man holding the door, a gentle consideration in him pulling out my chair, a comforting reassurance in a loving hand-hold accompanied by heartfelt words of affection.
A couple of years ago, this very thought played out in real-time. My daughter and I were walking into a restaurant, a few steps behind three young men. Not one of them paused to hold the door. In that moment, I saw a perfect 'teaching opportunity' – not just for them, but for my daughter too. I leaned down, speaking loudly enough for them to hear, 'Never give the time of day to a man who doesn't offer to hold the door for you. Chivalry will never go out of style.' I snuck a glance at the young men; their expressions told me the message landed.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be on the receiving end of that care and attention. Let me repeat: There's nothing weak about wanting to be feminine. In fact, I believe it's deeply empowering. Women deserve to be celebrated, loved, and cherished, and I believe men possess an innate, primal sense to offer exactly that.
Think about those ingrained instincts, those subtle societal cues that carry a deeper energetic meaning. When walking alongside a road, isn't there an immediate sense of security when a man instinctively positions himself closer to the traffic? It’s a silent, protective gesture. Consider the simple act of holding hands: his right hand gently enveloping our left. Is there not a feeling of him offering his strength, his giving energy, to our receptive side? I’ve always perceived these gestures as quiet expressions of love and care, tangible ways in which healthy masculine energy offers support and security to feminine energy.
It's disheartening to see these beautiful acts of simple chivalry, these authentic offerings of masculine energy, increasingly mislabeled as 'toxic masculinity.' This rebranding feels like a fundamental misunderstanding, a sweeping generalization that overlooks genuine intention and the natural, healthy dynamic of giving and receiving that can exist between men and women. True masculinity, in its healthy form, is not about dominance or control, but about strength, protection, and a deep desire to care for and cherish. Similarly, true femininity is not about weakness or dependence, but about grace, intuition, receptivity, and the nurturing power of receiving.

Cont in comments

[Stephanie @UnSettledBlog]

the love bomb trap and the mask: recognizing the pattern and breaking free from narcissistic relationships

Lately, I’ve found myself a confidante to friends navigating the painful terrain of dissolving long-term relationships, sometimes after decades of building a life together. It’s a stark reminder that every connection, romantic or platonic, has its peaks and valleys. But what has truly struck me is the recurring theme: escape from the clutches of a narcissist.
Perhaps it’s a fortunate intuition, but I’ve always possessed an almost visceral aversion to narcissistic energy. It’s a palpable toxicity that triggers a deep sense of unease, prompting me to maintain a safe distance. Sadly, some of my dearest friends haven’t shared this shield.
As young women, we’re often sold the fairytale of a soulmate, a whirlwind romance that sweeps us off our feet. The narcissist often arrives precisely in this guise, showering us with charm and ‘love bombing,’ a potent cocktail designed to quickly ensnare. Before we realize it, their claws are in deep, and we’re caught in their manipulative grasp.
I recall a youthful entanglement with someone I briefly believed could be ‘the one.’ Our connection felt intense, all-consuming. For months, I bent myself to his will, sidelining my own aspirations, only to be met with indifference once intimacy was established. Naive at nineteen, I mistook this emotional rollercoaster for love, believing this was simply how men were. The relationship eventually sputtered out after cycles of breakups and reconciliations, but it left an everlasting impression. I loathed the constant uncertainty and vowed never to tolerate such behavior in a partner. My direct nature, for better or worse, ensures you always know where you stand with me.
Years later, my husband showed me the true north of love: consistent openness, unwavering directness. I never question my place in his heart; his love is expressed freely and embraces my independent spirit. Listening to my friends’ stories, I can’t help but wonder if my youthful encounter was an escape from a narcissistic prison. Hindsight confirms it. I’m grateful for that relationship’s natural conclusion, crediting my escape to an innate refusal to settle for constant insecurity and self-doubt.
Now, I offer a listening ear and a supportive shoulder to friends awakening after years, realizing they too deserve more than a life of relational instability. Tragically, I’ve witnessed a heartbreaking pattern: friends bravely extricating themselves from one narcissistic relationship, only to unwittingly stumble into the arms of another. This is where my directness kicks in, often with the bluntness of hard truth. Once bitten, twice shy isn’t just a saying; it’s a survival guide. Do not, I implore them, replace one toxic void with another. Sometimes this message lands with acceptance; other times, our friendship enters a temporary hiatus. And that’s okay.
What I want you, the readers, to understand is this: you are the sovereign driver on the roads of your heart. Relationships should be a balanced exchange, not a one-sided power dynamic where your friend, partner, or anyone else holds dominion over your emotions. The need for control is the narcissist’s burden, not yours.
Have you ever navigated the treacherous waters of a narcissistic relationship? Are you currently in one, feeling the slow erosion of your self-worth? Are you deeply unhappy? If any of these questions resonate, please know that it is never too late to reclaim your power. Deep within you lies an unyielding strength that no one can extinguish. And if you need a nudge, a guiding hand to help you over that initial hump of fear and uncertainty, I am here to offer it.
Have you ever experienced this pattern?  What red flags did you miss (or see)?  What helped you break free?
#NarcissisticAbuse #ToxicRelationships #RedFlags #SelfLove #Healing #BreakTheCycle #YouDeserveBetter #Unsettled #RelationshipAdvice #EmotionalAbuse

[Stephanie @UnSettledBlog]

The result? A blossoming. Her joy in dance reignited, her improvement soared, and remarkably, she began asking for my insights. Our relationship, while imperfect (as all real connections are), now thrives on mutual respect. I gained a profound new respect for her ability to advocate for herself, even to me. She recognized her own boundaries, her limits, and articulated her need for unwavering support. Now, when she seeks my knowledge, she asks.
Life throws enough curveballs; we don’t need to add to the struggle. This pivotal shift in perspective transcends dance, echoing in all our children’s endeavors, from sports to academics to their burgeoning passions. My boys, navigating the baseball world with a professional player as their father, face a similar dynamic – the inherent parental urge to impart knowledge, to push for improvement. But they, too, must forge their own paths, learn through their own stumbles.
Witnessing the ‘tough love’ approach on the sidelines of baseball tournaments and dance competitions is a stark reminder of my own past missteps. If that approach resonates for other families, I respect that. But from my personal journey, I can attest to the profound power of simply being your child’s unwavering cheerleader.

My husband and I harbor no expectations of our children becoming professional athletes or artists. But if those dreams ignite within them, we will be their staunchest supporters. Is it frustrating to watch them navigate their own often-circuitous routes when we feel we’ve already paved a smoother path? Yes.  Does it chafe when their aspirations diverge from the ones we might have envisioned? Absolutely.
But in the case of my daughter, the peace I hold onto is this: regardless of where her passions lead her, our relationship remains authentic and intact. Imperfect, yes, punctuated by disagreements and teenage bickering, but anchored in a deep and abiding love where we unequivocally have each other’s backs.
Have you ever struggled with the ‘tough love’ approach?” “What’s the most important thing your child needs from you?  Share this with a parent who might need to hear this!
#ParentingJourney #GentleParenting #YouthSports #DanceMom #RaisingStrongKids #ParentingEpiphany #UnconditionalLove #AuthenticRelationships #Unsettled

[Stephanie @UnSettledBlog]

from sideline critic to biggest fan: the power shift in my parent-child relationship
Parent-child relationships are a landscape as varied and intricate as the individuals within them. Some bloom with effortless connection, while others navigate a terrain of strain that sadly, sometimes never finds resolution. My heart aches for friends who grapple with fractured bonds with their own parents, a stark contrast to the deep well of love and connection I cherish with my father and the treasured memories of my amazing mother.
With my own three children, I’ve been blessed to possess a unique and precious relationship with each of the them.  My bond with my daughter, perhaps due to our shared womanhood, carries a particularly fierce ‘mama bear’ instinct, an inherent protectiveness. Her brothers, too, envelop her in their protective embrace, their ‘little princess.’ And while she will always be my princess, my ultimate role is to nurture her into a queen – a woman of strength, resilience, and self-assuredness.
I’ve always embraced my femininity, reveling in the joys of all things ‘girly.’ After raising two wonderful boys, the arrival of my daughter felt like the genesis of my truest friendship. And indeed, she is my best friend, whether she outwardly admits it amidst teenage eye-rolls or not. This often sparks the age-old question: ‘Are you a parent or a friend?’ My immediate response… Why not both?
As her mother, I am acutely aware that her gaze often rests on me, seeking guidance and mirroring my actions. It’s my responsibility to set a ‘good example,’ though my independent spirit, tinged with a touch of gypsy wanderlust, steers me away from sugarcoating life’s realities. I strive for transparency, answering her myriad questions with unwavering honesty. I am protective, yes, but I consciously avoid sheltering her from the inevitable bumps and bruises of life – a crucial distinction.
My own upbringing, navigating the public eye through my father’s career, my brief foray into professional dance, and later my marriage to a professional athlete, also constantly under the public eye, forged a resilience within me early on. Some might perceive my directness, my initial guardedness as coldness (hence the teenage nickname ‘Ice Queen’), but it’s simply a straightforward approach, an unfiltered honesty honed by  my own experiences.
Now, as I watch my daughter navigate the demanding world of dance, a realm of constant evaluation of body image, talent, and the elusive pursuit of perfection, I marvel as she comes into her own and handles the pressure with grace. It’s a cherished connection we share on a profound level, however,  our shared understanding wasn’t always this harmonious. My innate Type-A personality, with its relentless pursuit of perfection (a toxic trait I actively work to dismantle), initially cast a shadow. I was the sideline critic, meticulously cataloging every perceived misstep in her classes and performances, a post-performance debrief fueled by what I misguidedly labeled ‘tough love.’ (The cringe is real now, trust me.)
Then came the day, en route to the dance studio, when her sobs ripped through the car. She didn’t want to go to dance. She wasn’t even sure if she liked it anymore, and then the most gut-wrenching plea: ‘Couldn’t you just leave me alone?’ My heart stopped. Not because I feared she’d quit, but because the horrifying realization struck me: if she did, it would be because of me.
The epiphany hit with the force of a runaway train. She didn’t need another instructor dissecting her technique. She didn’t need me ‘toughening’ her up. She simply needed her biggest cheerleader in the stands. In that instant, my mental ‘correction list’ went straight into the virtual trash. It wasn’t an overnight transformation, but a conscious, daily effort to shift my focus that I still work on to the present day.

The result?

Read the rest in the comments

[Stephanie @UnSettledBlog]

The Tiny Bikini and the War Within: Confessions of a Recovering Perfectionist
Spring in Florida: sunshine, blooming flowers, the irresistible pull of the beach. But for so many of us women, that beautiful season comes with a familiar dread: swimsuit anxiety. In a world saturated with filters, Botox, and the illusion of flawless perfection peddled by social media and AI, feeling 'enough' in our own skin can feel like an impossible battle.
You might look at me – someone who's seemingly confident, works out religiously, and watches what I eat – and assume I love what I see in the mirror. Here's my truth: I often hate it. Every perceived imperfection becomes a target for secret self-loathing. Self-acceptance has been a hard-won, daily internal war.
My history with body image runs deep. Growing up in the ballet world, my body was constantly scrutinized, weighed, compared. My natural curves were deemed 'not quite right.' Then came marriage to a professional athlete, where an unspoken expectation of a certain aesthetic loomed. I became a master of restriction, chasing an unattainable ideal.
Pregnancy brought a confusing shift. I had to gain weight, my body irrevocably changing. My 18 1/2 inch waist? Gone. Thicker thighs, a rounder booty. Panic set in. I immediately became recommitted to my diet and exercise regimen. I lost 40 lbs in three weeks, and my body retaliated with agonizing pain, leading to emergency gallbladder surgery with a newborn at home. All I could think was, ‘How did I get here and for what? My baby needs me.'
The next decade was a relentless pursuit of perfection, a calorie-counting, exercise-obsessed blur. But perfection, ladies, is a myth. There is no such thing as perfect.
My wake-up call came in the innocent words of my then four-year-old daughter, a budding dancer, commenting on her belly. In that moment, I saw my own toxic patterns reflected back at me. I knew I had to break free and pivot.
The mantra became: Just live and be free. Eat the cake. Don't punish yourself. Let your thighs touch. Embrace the jiggle. I have three healthy kids and a partner who loves me and thinks I am beautiful – maybe, just maybe, I could extend that grace to myself.
Now, you'll find me on the beach, rocking a tiny bikini with my head held high. Letting it all hang out – appropriately or not. Because we are all beautiful. We are all goddesses. It's time to let that inner radiance shine.
Do I still have bad body image days? More than I'd like to admit. Do I love seeing pictures of myself? Nope. But I do it anyway. For myself, for my daughter, and for all women. To prove that I can rewire my own brain and not focus on the negative. Self-love is a journey, not a destination.
So, let this be your permission slip: Have the dessert. Wear the damn bikini. Get Unsettled in your own skin. Because I guarantee you, right now, someone is looking at you and seeing nothing but your incredible glow. So Glow Up Goddesses. .. Glow Up.
What's your biggest body image struggle?
What's one thing you're learning to love about your body?

#BodyImage #SelfLove #BeautyStandards #Unsettled #RealBeauty #BodyPositivity #SwimsuitSeason #Perfectionism #Vulnerability

[Stephanie @UnSettledBlog]

The Invisible Load: Are We Wives, Mothers, or Martyrs? (Let's Talk About It)
I'm a strong woman. You are too. So why does it feel like we're always the default, the 'handler' of everything? The endless giving, the constant decision-making – is this just the wife/mother/caretaker role on repeat?
I grew up watching it. Dad, the provider, often away. Mom, the rock at home, managing it all. I admired her strength, but now I wonder: did she ever feel the weight of it all, the quiet resentment of a dream deferred?
Losing my own mother right after my first child thrust me into that role overnight. Husband traveling for his dream (and ours), father often away, a younger sister needing support – suddenly, I was 'handling' everything. Was I honoring Mom's legacy, or just perpetuating a cycle?
I watched my husband and father chase their passions, build careers, with a fierce pride tinged with something else… envy. They got to pour themselves into their dreams, no regrets. What about mine? Were they less valid? Was wanting more selfish?
Maybe. Maybe not. Because here's the truth: I love my family. My life is good. But somewhere between wiping noses and managing schedules, 'caretaker' became my sole identity. And now, with my kids growing, that identity feels… constricting, obsolete.
We see the career women, the providers who seemingly 'sacrifice' motherhood. We see the domestic goddesses, thriving in their roles. Both judged, both with their own battles. I envied the latter's seemingly effortless control, even as I felt like a frazzled outsider in my own perfectly manicured community.
Do those 'together' women feel as unraveled as I do inside? It's a selfish thought, but a real one.
What happens when the caretaking chapter closes? Who are we then? Our mothers often had no blueprint for this next stage. Mine didn't. I don't.
This isn't a lament. It's a question. A call for honesty. Are we settling into roles that no longer serve us? Are we carrying an invisible load that's crushing our own potential? What’s next for us? What is our second act?
Let's talk about it. Let's challenge these ingrained roles. Let's ask the uncomfortable questions. Because maybe, just maybe, acknowledging the weight is the first step to finally putting it down.
What role do you find yourself in? What are you carrying? Let's break the silence.
#MarriageRoles #InvisibleLoad #WomensTruth #Unsettled #CaregiverFatigue #BeyondMotherhood

[Stephanie @UnSettledBlog]

Is He Growing With You, or Holding You Back? (The Uncomfortable Truth About Settling in Marriage)
My friend sat across from me, her eyes filled with a pain I recognized: the quiet agony of a marriage in limbo. 'Is he growing with me, or am I just... stuck?' she asked.
We've all been there, haven't we? That moment when you realize you've evolved, while he... hasn't. Decades in, and the man you loved is a stranger, a co-worker who brings his negativity home, a partner who's lost his zest for life.
He's the 'good guy' at work, but at home? It's a different story. The displaced frustrations, the emotional toll, the "is it me?" spiral. Perhaps there’s alcohol, or other substances, that add fuel to the fire and turn it into emotional abuse.
Like the tides, it’s an inherent truth that any enduring relationship will experience natural ebbs and flows, moments of intense closeness followed by times of distance or friction. It's during these lower points, when the familiar rhythm is disrupted and challenges arise, that our minds can sometimes turn inward, seeking explanations for the discomfort. We might begin to scrutinize the foundation of the partnership, searching for reasons or perceived incompatibilities that could explain the current difficulties, almost as if trying to rationalize the pain or uncertainty we're feeling.

You try everything: talking, therapy, books. But the old habits creep back, and you wonder: Can you teach an old dog new tricks?
Ladies, let's be honest: Are you settling? Is the 'comfort' of routine worth the slow erosion of your soul? Are you staying because society tells you to, or because your heart still believes there’s hope? And if there’s hope, isn’t it worth fighting for? Have you given yourself a timeline?
We, as women, have this incredible ability to self-reflect, to dive deep, to share our truths. Men, often, don't. They isolate, they cling, they become emotionally dependent.We crave growth, adventure, a partner who wants to experience life with us. Not someone who's dragging us down.
Here's the hard truth: You are not responsible for his behavior.
You can't fix him. You can't change him. You can only control your actions, your emotions, your truth.
Ask yourself: Why are you reacting? Why are you shutting down? Why are you settling?
Is there still love? Can he find his light again? Can the flame reignite? I don't have the answers. But I know this:
Don't apologize for evolving. Don't apologize for wanting more. Don't apologize for being UNSETTLED.
Sometimes, you have to walk through the darkness to find your light. And sometimes, you have to walk alone.
Share your stories. Have you been here? What did you do? What did you learn? Tag a sister who needs to hear this.
#MarriageTruths #RelationshipRealTalk #UnsettledWomen #SelfLove #Empowerment #Sisterhood #EmotionalAbuse #GrowthMindset #UnSettled

[Stephanie @UnSettledBlog]

Wind Knocked Out? How to Hoist Your Sails Again (A Lesson from the Dugout):
The text message glowed on my screen: raw disappointment, heavy self-doubt. My oldest, my kid who wears his heart on his jersey, had just had a tough game. The kind that leaves you questioning everything.
As parents, that protective instinct kicks in hard. We want to shield them, smooth their path, never let them stumble. But the truth, the gritty truth we all know, is that failure is part of the human playbook. We will fall. The real question is, what happens next?
Some of us get swallowed by the pity party, digging a hole so deep it feels impossible to climb out. Others… they find a way back to the surface.
Talking to my son that night, his voice thick with frustration, I felt that familiar parental ache. Was he good enough? The doubt was a heavy anchor. My advice was simple, the kind of wisdom I’ve had to learn and relearn myself:
'Take tonight. Feel the disappointment. Let the frustration wash over you. It might feel like the wind has been completely knocked out of your sails. But tomorrow? Tomorrow, a new gust of wind is coming. Your job is to hoist those sails and catch it.'
Because here’s what I’ve seen, time and time again: so many people let those limp sails stay limp. They drift aimlessly, stuck in the ‘what ifs’ and the ‘I’m not good enoughs.’ We can’t let that happen to us.
Yes, hoisting those sails again can feel uncomfortable, unsettling even. It requires vulnerability, a willingness to try again after getting knocked down. But that discomfort? That’s the fertile ground where growth takes root and resilience blossoms.
The next morning, his call came, bright and full of energy. “I’m hoisting my sails, Mom!” My heart swelled. That simple act of choosing to try again, to embrace the new wind.
If only it always felt that easy, right? That immediate bounce-back. But then it hit me: it is that easy. The power lies within us. We are the captains of our emotional ships. We get to decide whether we let the setback define us or propel us forward.
Sure, we’ll have those days where we sink into the wallow, where the disappointment feels all-consuming. And that’s okay. Allow it. But know this: tomorrow will bring a new day, a fresh gust of wind.
The bravery lies in recognizing that new wind and having the courage to raise your sails, even if they feel heavy and bruised. The journey of being Unsettled isn't about avoiding the storms; it's about learning how to navigate them, and always, always finding the strength to catch the next wind.
What's a time you felt the wind knocked out of your sails? How did you recover?
#Parenting #Resilience #FailureIsGrowth #NeverGiveUp #Mindset #Motivation #Unsettled #LifeLessons

[Stephanie @UnSettledBlog]

The 15-Minute Shower Cry: When "Good Enough" Isn't Enough Anymore:
Ever felt like you're living someone else's life? Like you're trapped on a hamster wheel, running in place while your soul screams for something more? I did. Every - Single - Day.
We're told to be grateful. To settle. "It's fine," we whisper, while inside, a fire rages. We bury our dreams under piles of laundry, carpools, and the weight of 'shoulds.' We tell ourselves we're selfish for wanting more, for daring to dream beyond the 'good enough.'
I remember being that girl, the one who swore she'd have it all. Family, career, a life that set her soul ablaze. I manifested, I planned, I refused to settle. Then, life happens as it always does. The partner you thought was your forever, the dreams that shifted, the goals unrealized, the obligations, the slow, agonizing realization that you've traded your fire for a routine.
For years, I was the Uber driver, the chef, the maid, the tutor – the 'perfect' mom, the 'supportive' wife. Inside? I was dying. I'd schedule 15-minute shower cries, my escape from the masked smile I plastered on for the world. 'Grateful,' they said. 'Blessed,' they said. Strong,’ they said ’Settle,' they implied. But 'settle' felt like a slow death.
I was 40, trapped, and suffocating. I had the 'perfect' life, a wonderful partner who loved me, 3 amazing children. I had friends and lived in a beautiful community, yet it felt like a cage. I wanted more. I needed more. I needed to feel alive again.
And then, I realized something: It's not selfish to want more. It's human. It's the spark that ignites change, the force that pushes us beyond our comfort zones. It's the refusal to let 'good enough' steal our joy.
Maybe you're reading this, nodding along, feeling the same ache. Maybe you're trapped in your own version of the 15-minute shower cry.
If you are, I want you to know you're not alone.
We're building a community of 'Unsettled' souls – those who refuse to apologize for wanting more, for chasing their dreams, for demanding a life that sets their soul on fire.
Join us. Share your journey. Let's break free from the hamster wheel together. Let's reclaim our fire. Let's be unsettled.
What are you refusing to settle for? Share your 'unsettled' story in the comments below. And if this resonated, share it with someone who needs to hear it. Let's ignite a movement."

#unsettled #lifelessons #motivation #empowerment #personaljourney #whatisstrength

[Stephanie @UnSettledBlog]

Tired of constantly holding it all in? Yearning for a space where you can finally exhale, where your voice is truly heard, and your spirit is celebrated? You've found your sanctuary.
Welcome, my fellow Goddesses, to UnSettled – a blog crafted for women who crave a safe haven, a place to shed the weight of expectations and simply be. Here, we don't just listen; we hear you. We understand the silent battles, the unspoken burdens, and the deep yearning for unadulterated release.
I'm Stephanie Wheeler, and for over two decades, I meticulously built a life many would envy: a loving family, enriching travels, a vibrant community. On paper, it was perfect. And truthfully, it was pretty close. Yet, like so many of you, I spent years suppressing a nagging feeling – the profound sense of being stuck. As a dedicated mom of three and a committed partner, I played the roles expected of me, but I craved something more, something uniquely mine.
Through countless conversations with women from all walks of life, my travels revealed a powerful truth: We are not alone. We are a generation of women who have played by the rules, only to find ourselves yearning for something beyond 'good enough.' We are ready to stop apologizing for wanting to evolve, to grow, to dare to be unsettled.
This is our space. UnSettled will be your guide as we journey together towards self-love, empowerment, and a renewed sense of peace. We'll share our authentic stories, challenge the status quo, and empower each other to live vibrantly. You can expect:
Insights into reclaiming your power and igniting your spirit.
Heartfelt conversations about stepping into your true authenticity.
Ways to harness positive energy and prioritize yourself.
A sisterhood where you are always seen, always valued, and always free to be exactly who you are.
Ready to step into a life aligned with your deepest desires? Ready to break free from the comfort zone and embrace the beautiful chaos of being truly UnSettled?
Your sanctuary awaits. Join us, and together, let's create a world where women are free to be their truest, most powerful selves.

[Gabe Wheeler @gabe_wheeler3]

Up to 40 pitches and incorporating every one of my pitches. Arm is feeling great and progressing very well. More work to be done though. @_GoRoos @andyfleischack1

[Stephanie Wheeler @TheMainIceQueen]

@LLewin @jamestingstrom @Mets No they are not
Insurance pays for the first test... $100 a test afterwards