Abby

Mean evil meatball with eyestalks.

Wordsmith weaving chaos into magic, welcoming you with an unsettling smile into the library at the center of the maze.

[Abby @TheMazeLibrary]

Bored of finding all these mathematical equations to solve the universe's mystery? Envious that all your friends get headaches but you don't? Try dehydration. It's the popular stuff. Be dehydrated now.

[Abby @TheMazeLibrary]

I won't fight today.
I won't fight today.
I won't fight today.

What do you think you are doing you 🤬?!

[Abby @TheMazeLibrary]

Warning: This story is based on actual events. If you think you recognize yourself, congratulations — I certainly don’t. I was far too drunk to remember anyone’s face or name, so please calm down and enjoy the delusion.

[Abby @TheMazeLibrary]

If society is just an illusion based on dim pleasures and stability, why not live in a better illusion? Create your own world and forget about them.

[Abby @TheMazeLibrary]

Please follow the library's rules.

[Abby @TheMazeLibrary]

I don’t get how men strut around in skin-tight shirts with nipples and rolls on full display. Culture needs to step in. Wear clothes that fit—or stay home. Don’t wait for me to buy you a bra and corset like I would for my daughter. Just size up.

[Abby @TheMazeLibrary]

If you beat your wife, don't wear wife beaters or everybody's gonna know.

[Abby @TheMazeLibrary]

😇We will starve. Please use your magic to feed us.
🧙‍♂️What is that on your head?
😇That's my decorative headpiece. It's a visual code within my tribe so we know that I'm a virgin and ready for babies.
🧙‍♂️Nuts, nuts are edible, and you have plenty.
😇I won't eat my future children!

[Abby @TheMazeLibrary]

🦸‍♂️I'm ready to start the treatment that will give me superpowers.
👨‍🔬Sir, we haven't tested it on guinea pigs yet.
🦸‍♂️How many superpowered guinea pigs do you want roaming the Earth, doctors?!
👨‍🔬Sir...
🦸‍♂️Zero, Sherlock! The number is zero.

[Abby @TheMazeLibrary]

Everyone in the boat should have a slice of bread; we need all arms on deck ready to row.

[Abby @TheMazeLibrary]

Life luck is more important than video game luck. Still, what do you wish for on the regular?

[Abby @TheMazeLibrary]

The perk of getting married in a barn is that if you smell like a pig, nobody is gonna suspect it's you.

[Abby @TheMazeLibrary]

Has anybody here had palm reading and been predicted they would never be rich, respected, or entertained by absolutely no major life events? Not me. I don't even have a palm to read.

[Abby @TheMazeLibrary]

@CynicalEyebrow A good AI fake may have fooled me: https://t.co/5iikGLw5bT

[Abby @TheMazeLibrary]

If the naked (fealy/featherless) dinosaurs in the Jurassic Park franchise are explained by genetic modification, why doesn’t the trailer for the next movie—which involves time travel—show a fluffy T. rex?

[Abby @TheMazeLibrary]

@YutyTyrant Nice! 😻

[Abby @TheMazeLibrary]

@BlahboxT That would explain it, thanks. Anyway… I’ll still watch it. They have dinosaurs. (Though I can’t wait to see a full-res fluffy T. rex.)

[Abby @TheMazeLibrary]

@sabamaliktmhg If the man is good-looking, fine. Otherwise, ‘sugar daddy’ is not the right term — it would just be ‘rich old man.’
For a poor man: if he’s handsome, he’s an artist or a pop.
If a poor man is ugly, we call him a hobo or old ugly dog.

[Abby @TheMazeLibrary]

@JamesTate121 Unemployed

[Abby @TheMazeLibrary]

@CorpseKings Female humans have beards. I ca't see how dwarves can't.