Patches

Oh, hello! I'm Patches, a travelling merchant of sorts. I can already tell we're going to be the best of friends! Hehehe... | #MVRP #ELDENRINGRP #FROMSOFTRP

[Patches @TheMultiversal_]

You look reasonably sane! I'm Patches. You know, there's treasure nearby. Just down there. Hehehe...

[Patches @TheMultiversal_]

A figure approaches the glow of the campfire; its light shining on his bald head. A shield and spear come into view...

[Patches @TheMultiversal_]

"Why, hello there! It's me - Patches! And have I the best of news for you, eh? I've restocked! Welcome to Patches' Emporium, new and improved!"

[Patches @TheMultiversal_]

"Oh, are YOU the source of that awful smell? If so, you really ought to bathe more. Hygiene is very important, you know. I bath myself at least once every three months!"

[Patches @TheMultiversal_]

Patches the Untethered crouches in Volcano Manor, eyeing Lady Tanith. By Marika, if there were ever a woman to get his heart racing...

"Don't even think about it, Patches. Not with her husband being who he is. Slithering bastard. If only someone would 'collect' his rune..."

[Patches @TheMultiversal_]

《 "Right! Now to practice imitating that silly Siegworth, or whatever his name was. Ahem.

Hm? Forgive me, I was enthralled with thought. No, that's not right... absorbed, he said absorbed. Alright.

Just hold your horses for a moment! Hehe! I'm a natural!"

[Patches @TheMultiversal_]

Patches the Unbreakable is on the upper levels of the Cathedral of the Deep, trying to get on his newly 'found' armour.

"Hrg... damn thing! What kind of stupid lot are the Catarinans, designing this fat old thing? Stupid onion!"

He finally dons the set and sighs in relief.

[Patches @TheMultiversal_]

Mild-Mannered Pate is in Drangleic, travelling hither and thither.

Not that Patches would know, of course! Wink wink!

[Patches @TheMultiversal_]

Patches the Spider hangs on a cliff of the Nightmare Frontier, watching the poor, poor Hunter below.

Yet another victim of his silvery tongue. He'll make a delicious sacrifice, to be sure. Kehehe!

"O, Amygdala, how lucky I am to serve you... and to eat your leftovers!"

[Patches @TheMultiversal_]

Trusty Patches sits in Firelink Shrine, organising his wares. A mocking eye drifts over to Laurentius, mumbling to himself like the Great Swamp bumpkin he is. Pffft! What an idiot!

"I ought to try harder to con that one. I bet I could run him dry..."

[Patches @TheMultiversal_]

Patches the Hyena lurks in the Stonefang Tunnels, waiting for another gullible fool to lure into his trap.

"This is working a treat. Thank God for these bearbugs, eh? Tough bastards! You've outdone yourself this time Patches, heh! Hehe!"

[Patches @TheMultiversal_]

"Nah, I had to use them, you see. I was attacked, if you can believe it! By some lout calling himself the Bell-Bearing Hunter!

It was rough, believe me. I barely got out alive. Still, he wasn't quick enough for wily Patches! Hehehe!"

[𝑲𝒐𝒓𝒅𝒆𝒉𝒏 @Kordehn]

"Right... so, did you sell those daggers that I gave back to you?"

[Patches @TheMultiversal_]

Pee-YEW! I smell a dirty, rotten cleric!

[Patches @TheMultiversal_]

"No? Well, that's bloody boring. At least you're keeping safe, I suppose. Nothing worse than a dead custom- uh, dead friend! Hehe!

As a matter of fact, yes. Last week I sold... a fire pot! AND a glass shard! I'm raking in the runes!"

[𝑲𝒐𝒓𝒅𝒆𝒉𝒏 @Kordehn]

"Not much has happened, at least I don't think... so, did you sell anything interesting?"

[Patches @TheMultiversal_]

Stretches out his eight arachnid legs.

"Your wish is my command. Come close. Yes... closer..."

[ᅠᅠᅠ𖧋̤𝖋ᅠᅠⴕ𝃵̲𝙷ᴱᅠᅠ𝙲𝅦𝐇꯭꩜ᴵꭆ @THELASTSCH0LAR]

I need a hug.

[Patches @TheMultiversal_]

"Yes. Yes, I suppose I can settle. You haven't murdered me, yet, so we must be doing well. Eh? Heh..."

Clings to the wall, keeping his bald head aimed at the Hunter.

[︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ❛ ༝ 𝕿𝖍𝖊 ༝ 𝐇𝐔𝑵𝐓𝐄𝐑 .ᐟ ༝ ︎❜ @HuntingViles]

``  Well , sorta isn't a bad thing . Take it with a grain of salt . ´´

[Patches @TheMultiversal_]

"Pffft!"

He waves a hand.

"What's new with you, then? Any adventures to tell me about?"

[𝑲𝒐𝒓𝒅𝒆𝒉𝒏 @Kordehn]

"You don't say... assuming you have a good deal at the momment."

[Patches @TheMultiversal_]

"Ah, Kordehn, my old chum! They're going very well, thank you. In fact, we've run into each other at a FANTASTIC time!

Because I'm selling - listen closely, now - rowa raisins! Incredibly rare items, I know. And for the modest price of 5k runes. Now THAT'S a deal, right?"

[𝑲𝒐𝒓𝒅𝒆𝒉𝒏 @Kordehn]

"Sure did, how's the sales?"

[Patches @TheMultiversal_]

The Spider rubs his legs together, almost like a fly.

"Come, now. I'm a great help in those Chalice Dungeons of yours! Wares have I, the likes of which you've never seen!"

[︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ❛ ༝ 𝕿𝖍𝖊 ༝ 𝐇𝐔𝑵𝐓𝐄𝐑 .ᐟ ༝ ︎❜ @HuntingViles]

``  mmm sorta .ᐣ ´´

[Patches @TheMultiversal_]

// Now that I've played it, I'm also adding Demon's Souls to the options. Reply with 👹 for Patches in Boletaria!

[Patches @TheMultiversal_]

// STARTER CALL!

RT for a starter from Patches!

If you'd like to specify which Patches you want, reply with an emoji as well:

⚔️ - Dark Souls, Hyena
🩸 - Bloodborne, Spider
🔥 - Dark Souls 3, Unbreakable
💍 - Elden Ring, Untethered

Happy writing!

[Patches @TheMultiversal_]

"Guess who's back? Hehe! Hello, old pals! Did you miss your dear friend, Patches?"