the “Clambake Kid”

Well this game hen isn’t going to spatchcock itself now, is it?

[the “Clambake Kid” @TheNonStapClap]

All it takes is one little cement mixer reversing over your head when you're sniffing the gutter for nickels and that's it. Life is fragile.

[the “Clambake Kid” @TheNonStapClap]

@TheTrinketMage As much as Breach is the best option- I also tend to play Recall if my Izzet self mill deck needs to assemble a creature combo.
It’s v. mana intensive, but seems like the most flexible option possible since it’s far easier to recur instants and sorceries in izzet already.

[respectful huff @alexqarbuckle]

ARAGORN: You have my sword.
LEGOLAS: And my bow.
GIMLI: And my axe!
THE HALBERD PERVERT: And my halberdddd haha 🤤

[pulled björk 🌱 @pulledbjjork]

Happy Sunday! Go to mass!!
🥺💚🙏 Gleep Glorp!!

[rune sword @runesword1]

I’M a freak? buddy, we’re literally the universe experiencing itself. i’m YOU!

[rune sword @runesword1]

my halfwitted homunculus: da world work in mystrius way :)

me: would you just shut the fuck up for once? would you please just shut the fuck up?

[April Clark @autogynefiles]

My newest son is a pastiche of his brothers

[very baller cash money normal sane person @normal_ballerz]

i’m at a gaaaaay phone trying to call home all my relations were with dudes

[Daniel D'Addario @DPD_]

“Hi Lorne! Thanks for agreeing to see me. Okay, my first character today is ‘Gay Guy Bene Gesserit.’ [clears throat] Not my plans being measured in centuries…”

[Darth Erogenous @darth_erogenous]

kanye: Thing is, I’m Wallace, I’m running shit .. But I gotta be Gromit too

Zane lowe: yeah

Kanye: i’m That pioneer. fashion, music, all of it. I’m building this shit in my basement

Zane: right. like Wallace

kanye: { too loud} But they don’t know I’m Gromit though

[Shasti @sh44sti]

found me down here did you…? would you mind telling me the yougov polling….? it’s all futile now…isn’t it…ha…hah…hah…ha..

[Errai @errai]

(Mario at a networking mixer) Oh yeah that's Yoshi. We love him in the Mushroom Kingdom

(After two beers) He's not even a sentient being he's like a vessel

[cash @cash__browns]

Nancy 1/10/26

[pavlo @LaughterHaver]

Now he’s making a list
And he’s checking it twice
And he’s gonna find out
If I’m naughty or nice
Now I’m going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it’s all in my head
But he’s coming to
Town now

[Berwyn Choobs @sabatonfan69]

Bleeding from a dozen wounds, leaning against the wall of Ross dress for less: Heh. (Spitting blood) seems the new breed of Vatican assassins is of good stock (I raise my twinned daggers n a fighting stance) one more dance

Gen Z Vatican assassin: Chat is this rizz?

Assassin 2: six seven knives in the night

A muzzle flash and all hell breaks loose. I stand over a mountain of corpses as a hooded figure approaches.

Special agent John penis: Let me guess, you had it under control?

I spit blood: Penis you old bastard. What’s the catch?

Penis grunts, his gaze growing distant: The Daimyo. He’s back.

[Rusty 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 @ImSmilingRn]

Gg allin used to bring a durian on stage and make everyone in the audience smell it

[The Frustrating Individual @MILFmassacre]

i wish i was a little bit smaller i wish i lived in squalor i wish i had a girl who was cruel i would falter

[Berwyn Choobs @sabatonfan69]

(Overrun by zombies)

My gf: we’re dead!

(The wall explodes & a silhouette takes shape)

Me: L-Lucario? 😳

My gf hugs it: you came!

Me squeezing between them: You know him? 🙂

Her: We dated in college

Me: What the fuck?😡

Her: Nows not the ti-

Me: It’s basically an animal

[powerful wizerd @powerfulwizerd]

The grandpa in Willy Wonka preparing to return to the factory: