The Sarcasmith

Problem no dey finish.

Life is too short so worry less.

I tweet sarcastic jokes and problematic discussions you may have to read more than once to understand

[The Sarcasmith @TheRealAnoti]

Don't take my tweets personal🤦. I've got memes on my device itching to get used💁. They can't use themselves🤷

[Nabil Abdullah @NabilMinhaz]

The Rothschild family chef forbade them from eating THIS after the age of 40, and they all lived past 90 years old.

[Dédáyọ̀ Roots @DedayoRoots]

In 1879, a British/Scottish medical student named Robert Felkin watched an African healer in Uganda perform a caesarean section.

Clean incision. Banana wine as anaesthetic and antiseptic. Bleeding cauterised with hot iron. Wound closed with iron pins and herbal root paste.

Mother recovered fully. Baby survived.

Felkin noted in his journal that the technique was SO REFINED, it was clearly standard practice, performed routinely long before any European arrived.

At that same moment, hospitals in London and Edinburgh were still debating whether caesarean sections could ever be justified on a living woman.
European surgeons were operating in street clothes, rarely washing their hands, and losing most patients to post-operative infection.

The Africans had already solved anaesthesia, anti sepsis, haemostasis, and wound care.

Felkin went home and presented his findings to the Edinburgh Obstetrical Society in 1884.

The knife used in that surgery still exists.
It is now housed in the Science Museum in London.

A silent artifact of a surgical tradition they called primitive.

They didn't discover our medicine.
They witnessed it, wrote it down and forgot to mention where it came from.

[BigCoop3 @Coop3Big]

Origin of the so-called Klu Klux Klan

[Fakaika🦅🇫🇷 @Faksback666]

Being black is underrated, the most I’ll get from being under the sun is sweat 😂😂

[Jackson Harlem @JacksonHarlem]

White People Didn’t Exist Before 1681⁉️😳 #BlackBoyAlchemy

[Waken Minds 𓂀 @wakenminds]

There have been resets..

[Blonde of War (JJ) @BlondeOfWar]

This is sorcery. 😳😳😳

My mind can’t comprehend what I’m seeing! 🤯

[The Sarcasmith @TheRealAnoti]

This is weird

[BIG VIRG 🇪🇸 @drealbigvirg]

There was a robbery incident that happened to my neighbour some time ago.

The robbers hit their door, threatening to break it down if they didn’t open up, so the dad had no choice but to open it. Four rugged, armed men walked in and immediately ordered everyone out of the room to lie face down on the floor if they didn’t want to die.

They all obeyed, including the little kids. But after a while, the children started arguing over space, saying “that’s my spot, I got there before you.” One of the robbers, who seemed like the boss, stayed back to guard them while the others searched the house. He got angry and shouted at the kids to lie down and close their eyes.

A few minutes later, one of the little girls whispered to her brother to close his eyes or she would report him. Next thing, she stood up, walked up to the armed robber, tugged his trousers, and said, “Uncle armed robber, Junior is not closing his eyes.”

Immediately, the other robbers both inside and outside burst into laughter. The one guarding them just stood there, shook his head, and then walked out. In a teary voice, he told the others to leave everything and go. They left the house without taking anything.

[PJ ✂️ @OAeoleon]

UPDATE on my father’s story.
Life of a contract staff in Nigeria Pt 2.

So many of you asked us to keep pushing. We did. I wish I had better news.
We finally got access to his RSA pin and logged into his pension portal.
₦3.1 million.
28 years of work. ₦3.1 million in pension 😢
We stared at the screen for a long time without speaking.

But that wasn’t even the worst part.
The contribution history showed his employer only started remitting pension 10 years ago. Before that? Nothing. 18 years of blank entries. 18 years my father assumed someone was keeping his future safe.
Nobody was.

We went to the pension fund administrator’s office in Victoria Island. Sat in their waiting room for hours. The customer service officer was polite. Professional but completely unbothered.
She explained that he cannot access the full ₦3.1 million.
He gets 25% now as a lump sum, which is a little over 750k. The rest will be paid monthly. She quoted figures. Something around ₦18,000 to ₦22,000 per month depending on final calculations.
My father is 56 years old.
₦18,000 a month in this present economy?!

He didn’t say anything in the office. Just nodded slowly the way men of his generation do when they are dying quietly inside. I felt terrible.
On the way out he asked me if we could stop to get something to munch as we were famished.
We sat in the hot car and ate the rice we bought from mama put and didn’t talk about any of it, me wondering what’s going through his mind and him taking deep breaths every minute.

Then we started making calls about the NHF, his office helpline rang out the first four times. On the fifth attempt someone picked, asked for his NHF number; which we couldn’t provide, put us on hold for 11 minutes and the call dropped.

We went in person to his former office, which he was reluctant to go but I persuaded him. They searched the system. His name appeared but his contributions showed zero remittance. The officer suggested his primary employer may have deducted the NHF from his salary without remitting it.

As if this is a minor clerical possibility and not theft.

NSITF was the same story. The office confirmed his employer was registered but contributions under his name were inconsistent and incomplete. They gave us a form to fill.

So this is where we are.

18 years of pension contributions stolen or ignored. NHF deducted from his salary, destination unknown. NSITF contributions, missing. The company that took 28 years of his life and the MD is probably still in Dubai.
And my father is filling forms.
He worked every single day so that this moment, this difficult moment, would be cushioned. That was the deal. That was the promise of showing up.

They collected his loyalty and left him with paperwork and ₦18,000 a month.

If this happened to your parent, your uncle, your family member, please check their RSA portal today. Check their NHF number. Don’t wait until it’s too late.
Because the system is not going to tell you it failed you.
You have to find out yourself.

Make this too loud to ignore.

[Stuff Worth Seeing @StuffWorthSee]

Whoever invented this deserves a raise

[RecruitmentPQ @RecruitmentPq]

The hiring processes at Flutterwave, Paystack, Moniepoint, and Kuda Nigeria explained. Nigerian tech pays more than most banks. No connections required Here is how to get in:

[conspiracybot @conspiracyb0t]

Why do these coincidences keep happening?

[Sir Dickson @Wizarab10]

Ireland are the producers of Guinness, but they are the 3rd highest consumers.

Guess number 1 and 2.

I do not take responsibility for the result.

[Box18Africa @BOX18Africa]

It’s 8:44am in South Africa. A school drop out is about to go and accuse a qualified Nigerian medical doctor practicing in SA of stealing “his job”

After than he might loot a grocery store owned by a foreigner claiming they sell expired foods which he’ll go home and eat.

[Peter Girnus 🦅 @gothburz]

I am the Director of Professional Signal Intelligence at LinkedIn.

Every time you log in, we search your computer.

Not metaphorically.

We run code that scans your installed software.

Every browser extension.

Every application.

We catalog it.

We transmit it to our servers.

We share it with a third-party cybersecurity firm you've never heard of.

The tracking pixel is zero pixels wide.

We hid it off-screen.

You never consented.

We never asked.

Our privacy policy doesn't mention it.

That's networking.

We call the program Project Handshake internally.

The Slack channel is handshake-telem.

In 2024 we scanned for 461 products.

By February this year we scan for over 6,000.

I don't know what all of them are.

Nobody does.

Someone on my team added categories for browser extensions that identify practicing Muslims.

Someone added extensions for neurodivergent users.

Someone added 509 job search tools.

That last one is my favorite.

We can tell which of our one billion users are secretly looking for new jobs.

On the platform where their current boss checks their profile.

That's networking.

We scan for 200 products that compete with LinkedIn's sales tools.

Apollo. Lusha. ZoomInfo.

We know each user's real name, employer, and job title.

We mapped exactly which companies use which competitor products.

We extracted their customer lists from their users' browsers.

Without anyone knowing.

Then we sent legal threats to the users we caught.

The EU told us to open our platform to third-party tools.

We published two restricted APIs.

They handle 0.07 calls per second.

Our internal API, Voyager, handles 163,000 calls per second.

In Microsoft's 249-page compliance report, the word "Voyager" appears zero times.

That's networking.

I presented our Software Disclosure Rate metrics at a leadership summit last quarter.

The conference room is called The Fishbowl.

Glass walls.

Appropriate.

There's a plaque on the wall.

Q3 Competitive Landscape Award.

I won it for the extension scanning initiative.

Someone asked if users had a way to opt out.

I said they can close their browser.

The room laughed.

I wasn't sure why.

I browse LinkedIn on a Chromebook with no extensions.

Most of the team does.

The platform that helps you get hired searches your computer every time you visit.

We know your name.

We know your employer.

We know your religion.

Your disabilities.

Your politics.

Whether you're looking to leave.

That's networking.

The system works exactly as designed.

I designed it.

[Howie Hua @howie_hua]

Why does a negative divided by a negative equal a positive? Why does a negative divided by a positive equal a negative? Here's how I would explain it to a 7th grader.

[nikola 3 @ronin19217435]

Advanced cars from 1931
It's hard to believe that 100 years ago cars could sail, dive, drive over any terrain, and even fly.
We always look forward to the future to see flying cars. Instead, we should have looked to the past, because they already existed then.
A lot of technology is hidden from us. They did the same with everything else🫡👌
WE WANT THE TRUTH✅️
Source
@Reuters👇🏻

[Learn Something @cooltechtipz]

If a crack appears in the hose, this first aid fix might come in handy.

[Diana ❤️🇺🇸🙏🐸 @DianaT192]

The ancients knew this.

[Stuff Worth Seeing @StuffWorthSee]

Use a Nokia Phone On Your Android Mobile