The.Roach

Kill living beings, speak lying words, take what is not given, consort with the women of others

[The.Roach @TheRoach49]

I miss drinking beer with my friends so much. I’ve just been drinking with my imaginary friend Precious Jester. If I drink 17 IPA’s I can kind of see him

[The.Roach @TheRoach49]

Getting written up for calling my managers Mr.Necrotic Testicles

[The.Roach @TheRoach49]

And as we regaled in tales of solipsism and jubilance alike, I thought of her brass monkey, that funky, monkey

[The.Roach @TheRoach49]

This song reminds me of those late winter nights we spent, drinking wine and talking about life and love until the sun rose… we were just two hurt people with only each other…

*record player plays Brass Monkey*

And I would go funky in your ass monkey

[The.Roach @TheRoach49]

*Getting interviewed as a love island bombshell*

Interviewer: So how do you feel about sex and being sexy?

Me: that’s actually one of my biggest insecurities

[The.Roach @TheRoach49]

I’m a extrovert in a chuds body… I need Cocaine Replacement Therapy

[The.Roach @TheRoach49]

@handwich5789 I’m stapling things that don’t need to be stapled

[The.Roach @TheRoach49]

Sometimes it's just you and the things you steal from work vs the world

[The.Roach @TheRoach49]

Currently living with a guy who’s job is a kik stream clipper, whenever I get home from work he’s trying to get grok to say the N word and watching the Netanyahu Nelk boys podcast it’s like living with an instagram reel. he’s 26.

[The.Roach @TheRoach49]

Guy who’s friend group calls him incontinent Brent: I had to stop drinking because, people just liked me, i was too charismatic, it honestly scared me

[The.Roach @TheRoach49]

Mom it’s okay, white people can say jit now

[The.Roach @TheRoach49]

Ask me 46 more times 🤣😂

[The.Roach @TheRoach49]

Lifted truck with super loud muffler pulling into my assisted suicide appointment

[The.Roach @TheRoach49]

Can’t argue with that

[The.Roach @TheRoach49]

Cottage cheese really the kind of thing you can do once every couple months without full blown psychosis. Intense enough to Make you appreciate the oneness of the self and the world. And it makes sex CRAZY

[Armin @ArrminEm]

I’ve done acid more times than I had cottage cheese

[The.Roach @TheRoach49]

If I went into psychosis I would create great works of art like endless instagram reels and flyers asking the public if they have seen my hallucinations

[The.Roach @TheRoach49]

Guy in the new love island season keeps insinuating he was molested and that’s why he gets no matches. Had to check that it wasn’t actually me on that island

[The.Roach @TheRoach49]

Looking up "Shit gay people eat and drink" to
1. Ask gay friend out to eat for pride month
2. More effectively call roomate gay

[The.Roach @TheRoach49]

It’s time to deliquesce bro

[The.Roach @TheRoach49]

Quit talkin all that hooplah